"See, this is what happens with aging fighters," says a smirking Megan. "They slow down and can't really compete at a high level anymore. But, of course, they don't want to admit that to themselves. And it takes a younger, better girl to give them the push. Munn did that for McCarthy. I'll do it for Campbell."
"Megan Fox," says Neve with a shake of the head. "MegaFox. The next big thing. Next year's model. All of that. Know what you are tonight, Megan? Next. That's all. Just NEXT."
O'Dell: "Back at ringside for the Main Event as Megan Fox tries to make it a Lookout! sweep over Front Street and Neve Campbell tries to even the score at 1-1. And, if my ears don't deceive me, that's 'Kickstart My Heart' by Motley Crew and here comes Megan Fox..."
Tess: "Fox is a huge fan of Motley Crew as well as The Beastie Boys and Nirvana. And the song she's chosen was inspired by a real incident when Nikki Sixx was declared legally dead of a heroin overdose for two minutes and was saved by a paramedic fan who injected two shots of adrenaline directly into his heart..."
O'Dell: "Fox into the ring. Helped off with the robe. And, frankly, looks AWESOME in that mauve bikini...aaaaannnnd I believe that would be Drowning Pool doing 'Bodies', aka 'Let The Bodies Hit The Floor' and here comes Neve Campbell..."
Tess: "Sadly, Drowning Pool's lead singer, Dave Williams, died of cardiomyopathy just about a year after this song became a big hit..."
McCarthy: "What are you doing, Walmart, auditioning for a job on E! or something?"
Tess: "SOME color commentators do research before they go on the air..."
McCarthy: "YOU'RE not the color commentator, I am!"
O'Dell: "Neve off with the robe, and, as usual, will wear basic black..."
McCarthy: "And if ever there were someone who you could say does NOT have a Playmate's body..."
Tess: "Perhaps, but there's a certain PART of the body of a certain Playmate she's pretty good at KICKING..."
O'Dell(hurriedly): "How about a prediction, Mac?"
McCarthy: "Fox is on a bit of a losing streak, but let's not forget she beat Scherzinger, the original Dancing Hooker. She's younger, fitter, and quicker than Campbell. I give Neve a puncher's chance, but if this goes ten, Fox is going to win."
Tess: "And here's MY prediction. Neve is going to stretch her."
O'Dell: "Well, we're going to find out who's right because there's the bell and Fox is going all Ali on us, dancing, snapping out her left hand, keeping the right at the hip, circling. Neve working forward, looking to locate with the left..."
McCarthy: "Fox using those legs, not going to stand there and slug with Neve. Someone with MY power can do that, but not Fox. She's got to out box the old girl..."
Tess: "For the fans at home, Neve Adrianne Campbell was born October 3, 1973. Jennifer Ann McCarthy on November 1, 1972..."
McCarthy: "Listen, Wiccanpedia..."
Tess: "Would that be an online encyclopedia for witches?"
O'Dell: "A-HEM. Neve stalking, scoring a bit with the jab. Not getting much done. Fox not landing much either, using the legs to find open canvas..."
McCarthy: "Fox plans to win this fight later. Wear Neve out chasing her and then dominate the later rounds..."
O'Dell: "Neve lands a jab as the bell rings and that's it for the first. Campbell's round, though neither woman was able to get much done."
O'Dell: "Second round begins with Megan Fox landing a nice one-two! Neve bangs back to the body and Fox circles, resets, lands a jab as Neve moves in. Campbell hooks the body again, snaps a jab into Megan's face as Fox lands a nice left hand, circles and resets."
McCarthy: "Megan not going to stand and slug with Neve, trying to get off and get out."
O'Dell: "Fox snaps a jab and Neve back to the body with a thudding right hook. Lands a left hand and Megan's out of dodge behind that left jab. Fox bouncing and moving, Neve looking to close. Jabbing up top to get in there, then hooking the body with the right. Fox slips away again behind the jab. Landing it some as she circles and the round comes to an end."
McCarthy: "Campbell's round again. Neve scored too much when they were engaged for Megan to make up from the outside."
O'Dell: "Third round now and Neve stalking. Fox circling...BIG RIGHT HAND, MEGAN! A GAMBLING, LUNGING RIGHT OUT OF NOWHERE AND CAMPBELL WOBBLED!"
McCarthy: "That's Fox's speed! Lightning fast right hand! Got Neve in retreat now!"
O'Dell: "Fox letting the hands go! Landing a solid right hand in that flurry. Campbell covering up, retreating, as Megan lands a double pump jab and bangs a right to the side of the head. Campbell backing into the ropes, popping out the odd left hand as Fox lathers the lats, then goes back upstairs trying to find the off switch."
McCarthy: "Megan not getting crazy. Good, disciplined stuff."
O'Dell: "Neve fires back with a nice combination now. Fox lands a straight left and there's the bell. Neve seems OK as she heads back to the corner, but Fox claims the round."
McCarthy: "I've got it 29-28 Campbell, and the longer it goes, the more it favors Fox."
O'Dell: "There's the bell for the fourth and Neve straight forward after Fox, cutting the ring off and hammering at that body with heavy hooks. Megan clinching, holding Campbell's arms and the referee breaks giving them a fresh start."
McCarthy: "Smart move by Megan. Doesn't want to bang in close with Neve."
O'Dell: "Campbell has other ideas, though, cutting the ring off again, working the body. Megan trying to keep her off, but can't do it. Neve working past her gloves to get to that body."
McCarthy: "Like Mack did with Electra, trying to kill the legs."
O'Dell: "Neve needs a hard hat right now, because she's doing some heavy demoltion in there, slamming punches into the ribs and flanks as Megan clinches and covers up and the bell rings ending the fourth."
McCarthy: "Campbell's round, but she spent a lot of energy."
O'Dell: "Into the fifth now and Neve right back to work, cutting off the ring on Fox and going to work on the body. Megan trying to tie up, but Neve wrestling her way free, lands a nice hook to the side of the head, then pounds the right into the ribs."
McCarthy: "Fox has to get out of there. She needs to get some space and box."
O'Dell: "Campbell smothering her right now, thumping punches to the body. You can see the winces of pain on Megan's face as Neve's gloves bang home. Fox trying to bang back, but mostly pre-empted, covering up and clinching."
McCarthy: "Neve's breaking this kid down. Fox needs to renegotiate terms."
O'Dell: "She'll need to do that in the sixth, because the fifth has ended and it's another big round for Neve Campbell."
O'Dell: "The sixth round is underway and Neve Campbell in control, stalking Fox, who's trying to find open canvas..."
Tess: "What we have here, to quote Sweet, is a 'Fox On The Run'..."
McCarthy: "Don't quit your day job..."
O'Dell: "Neve cutting the ring off, thumping that body. Megan starting to feel it in the ribs, no doubt, as Campbell gets to work in tight, shouldering Megan backward toward the ropes. Fox again trying to tie up, but Neve wrestles free..."
Tess: "Not many bantams are winning a wrestling match with Neve Campbell. Not many lights, either."
O'Dell: "And right now, Megan Fox isn't winning a boxing match, either, as Campbell is doubling her up working that body inside. Megan covering up on the ropes as the round ends. Fox clearly hurting on her way back to the corner."
O'Dell: "Into the seventh now, and Fox is going to need to right this ship quickly, Mac."
McCarthy: "She is. I have it 59-55 right now."
O'Dell: "And Neve's not interested in Megan righting the ship, she's planning on sinking it, by hammering away with heavy guns at both the port and starboard flanks. Campbell cutting off the ring again. Lands a nice left hook to the head, then back to work on the ribs and lats. Fox covering up, being shouldered back into the ropes again. Campbell a nasty shot to the ribs, Fox wincing, clinching, Campbell powering free."
McCarthy: "This is getting hard to watch..."
O'Dell: "Nice uppercut to the chin, Neve! Snapped Fox's head back. Campbell letting the hands go to the body. Fox covering up. Neve splits the guard with a straight right, lands a nasty left-right to the head. SHOVEL HOOK TO THE LIVER. FOX DOUBLING UP. CAMPBELL STRAIGHTENS HER UP WITH A LEFT UPPERCUT, SNAPS HER HEAD TO THE SIDE WITH A RIGHT HAND. FOX HELPLESS...IT'S OVER! REFEREE STOPS IT! THE WINNER BY TKO7 NEVE CAMPBELL!"
McCarthy: "Here's the punch that finished Fox. Check out the shovel hook, buried right under the rib cage. Fox managed to stay on her feet somehow, but all she did was soak punishment from here on."
O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"
Tess: "Neve, great win tonight..."
Neve: "Thanks, Tess. Fox's got guts. She's tougher than I thought. I knew I'd break her down, but she wouldn't quit. Now, if you don't mind, in honor of New Year's Eve, I want to introduce a brand new singing group! You ladies have your mics? Then climb on in here! Ladies and gentlemen, singing their new single 'The Valence of Her Electrons' here are 'THE NEPHRONS OF MY QUICKNESS': Shakira, Jewel, Ke$ha, Nicole Scherzinger, Katy Perry, Pink, and Britney Spears!"
Tess: "I TOLD you there was a band..."
O'Dell: "Roll 'Gigli II' gang..."
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