The Man In The Hat sits in the center of the dais. To his left, Neve Campbell, Jewel, Avril Lavigne, and Pink. To his right, Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney Spears, Amanda Seyfried, and Mariska Hargitay.
Man In The Hat: "Gotta get some housekeeping done for starters. Congratulations to my friend Hawkeye, HISC, Natalie Portman, and Claire Danes. Wonderful night for HISC tonight, and Nat was out of this world. Hayd's gonna be back, mind. But Portman was fantastic tonight and deserves the accolades she's gonna get. Congrats also to my friend Sceej and Adrianne Palicki. A superb performance against the best fighter on the planet. Like Hayd, Jesse's gonna be back, but I think you'd better recognize that Adrianne's now on the top lightweight plane with Biel, Theron, and Strahovski."
He stops, nods knowingly, then continues. "Now, for some 'I told you sos.' And you all know how I LOVE those. I TOLD you Tech is the best manager in the FCBA and that Watson had plenty of talent. TOLD you he'd get it out of her. Kid's gonna be a threat. Count on it. I TOLD you Kelly Rowland was for real. Only stable can beat the kid is FRONT STREET. And it ain't been easy for US. I also TOLD you the Upton kid was gonna be a factor. We got a TON of respect for JKO over here, and Jeri doesn't sign someone who can't fight. Now, I'll take questions. Cable Boy! Go!"
HBO Reporter: "You said you respected JKO. I've heard rumblings that a lot of stables may be less willing to fight JKO fighters after tonights...shennanigans..."
Man In The Hat: "Shennanigans! I love it! You're startin' ta grow on me, son! We RESPECT JKO. We do not FEAR JKO. Keep in mind, Vergara is an indie. No back up. Front Street is the largest stable in the FCBA. We will NOT allow such shennanigans to occur. And any attempts along those lines are gonna be met in kind, believe me. So, no, we are not less likely to fight JKO fighters. They have a great stable and I'm sure we'll be seeing them down the road. Cable Boy II! Go!"
Showtime Reporter: "Talk to me about Amanda. She came close tonight..."
Amanda(with more than a trace of bitterness): "I gave it away! I blew it! That third round. I blew it."
Man In The Hat: "Nah. That ain't the way I see it, kid. Cable Boy II, to answer your question, I'm very proud of Amanda. Takin' a girl like Kreuk, a former FCBA Champion OT? That's a victory for us. This kid rallied in the final round to force OT. She hurt Kreuk. She got hit some heavy shots and came back strong. She was freakin' GREAT! As I've said before, the Front Street flyweight division has been about Jamie Lynn and K-Stew for awhile. Amanda hasn't complained. She's been a pro and done what we've asked of her. And she's earned some opportunities. And tonight she took advantage of one. Let me say that again. She took advantage of one. This division isn't just about K-Stew and Jamie Lynn anymore. Amanda's right smack in the middle of it. There's BLONDE! Magazine! Whatta you got?"
BLONDE! Reporter: "Jamie Lynn looked very good tonight, I thought."
Man In The Hat: "I thought so, too. Cook's a good, veteran fighter. And Jamie Lynn controlled her all night. But I was even more impressed with what the kid did in the last round. THAT'S the Jamie Lynn Spears I see every day. Rallied off the deck. Didn't just run and try to survive. Came back strong and turned the tide. Hurt Cook. And had her ready to go. You guys, you think this is just a sweet kid here. You wonder about whether she's cut out for this. But what I saw today is what I see every day at the gym. The heart of a FREAKIN' CHAMPION! That's what she has. And Cook got a little taste."
BLONDE! Reporter: "Follow up for Jamie Lynn. What did you think about Gomez calling you and the Disney folks out after she beat Miley?"
Jamie Lynn(smiling): "Aw, I didn't take that personally. That was a big win for Selena, and I'm happy for her. And I'm sure she remembers that we already fought. And who won. In the second round."
Man In The Hat: "Tess, dear, go ahead!"
Tess: "That was an impressive win for Neve..."
Man In The Hat(smiling): "Take a quick look at the bantamweight rankings. Top two girls are Perabo and the Champ. And Glau beat 'em both. She also beat Swan, who's a Top 20 light. Summer Glau is VERY good. She is a tough out for any fighter. And those are the types of jobs I assign to Neve Campbell. Because she's the toughest kid I got."
Tess(smiling): "Neve, you mentioned Cuthbert post-fight, and, later, you saud you said that a lot of girls are avoiding you. Are those two statements connected?"
Man In The Hat(smiling): "We'll NOT be going down that road. Smackey! Take us home!"
Reporter: "You had a pretty good night, all in all, didn't you?"
Man In The Hat: "Yeah, I think we did. Except I still got six million dollars worth of gold burnin' a whole in my pocket! Will no one rid me of this meddlesome Goddess? Now, dinner with Bazz. Tess! Smackey! Limo!"
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