"I keep hearing all about Ke$ha and her big left hand," says Martine. "Well, that's all she's got, so it seems to me the blueprint for beating her is pretty simple. Just avoid the left hand, get inside, and outbox her. And that's just what I'll do."
"I admit, Martine's a challenge for me," says Ke$ha. "She's not fought much in the FCBA, but she's a lot more experienced than me. I've got the tools to deal with her, though. And that's what I'm going to do."
O'Dell: "Back at ringside and I do believe I hear 'On The Radio' and that's..."
McCarthy: "Donna Summer?"
Tess: "Who's Donna Summer?"
McCarthy: "SERIOUSLY? How dumb ARE you, Walmart? She was a HUGE star in the 70s!"
Tess: "Oh. Well, I'm too YOUNG to REMEMBER the 70s. But, I'm not surprised YOU know her..."
McCarthy: "Shut UP, WALMART!"
Tess: "Drink up, boys!"
O'Dell(sighing): "And here's betting Tess DOES know who Donna Summer is and was just setting Mac up..."
Tess: "Ding, ding ding!"
O'Dell(sighing again): And, of course, it's NOT Donna Summer coming down to the ring, it's Martine McCutcheon, who ALSO had a Top 40 hit with the song. Martine into the ring, helped off with the robe, and looking good in a black bikini..."
Tess: "Not a bad body for someone born in THE SEVENTIES..."
McCarthy: "Shut UP, Walmart..."
O'Dell: "The rest of this card promises to be interesting, and, if it keeps up like this, no one's going to be conscious for it. For those of you still with us, that's 'Tik-Tok' you hear, and here comes 'Six Feet Of Sexy', Ke$ha!"
McCarthy: "'Six Feet Of Grungy' is more like it..."
O'Dell: "Ke$ha into the ring. Helped off with the robe by Neve and Britney to reveal a black number of her own. Tess has picked Ke$ha in this one. What do you think, Mac?""
McCarthy: "Ke$ha's a one-trick pony, and everyone knows it. She's lucky my retirement tour is filling up, or I'd show the world JUST how to deal with her...."
Tess: "Wiz says you might have to keep fighting, you know, because of the bet and all..."
McCarthy: "I WILL WIN THAT BET! I'M GOING TO KILL BECKINSALE! I'M GOING TO LEAVE THAT TRAMP SUCKING CANVAS..."
O'Dell: "Now, calm down, Mac, and let's get that pick..."
Tess: "And hope it's better than the one she's making about the Beckinsale fight. Because Wiz NEVER loses a bet..."
O'Dell: "...guys need to CALM DOWN in the truck! We've got it under con...we're back, fans, and Jenny was making her pick!"
McCarthy: "As I was SAYing, McCutcheon is no J-Mac, but I think she's good enough to outfox and outbox a stiff like Ke$ha."
O'Dell: "Well, we're about to find out. There's the bell for round one. Ke$ha sticking out that right hand, want to work from long range, Martine, though, working her way past the glove, getting inside, and banging away in close..."
McCarthy: "This is a great strategy by McCutcheon. Ke$ha's taller and has the reach. She's got power when she extends on it, and Martine not letting her do it, fighting in close, right off the blonde's chest."
O'Dell: "McCutcheon banging away in there, landing some good shots. Ke$ha pretty ineffective right now, trying to get some distance and can't do it."
McCarthy: "McCutcheon REALLY putting some stuff together! Landing punches in bunches...and Ke$ha's wobbled...DOWN SHE GOES!"
O'Dell: "Not any one punch that did the damage, was there, Mac?"
McCarthy: "No. It was an accumulation of good, solid shots."
O'Dell: "Ke$ha up at eight. Gets the mandatory, and McCutcheon right back on her, but the bell rings! Wow! Great round for Martine!"
McCarthy: "And Ke$ha wobbly getting back to the corner."
O'Dell: "Second round underway now, and McCutcheon back to the pressure, working in close, banging body, then going upstairs. Very effective in tight, taking away Ke$ha's strength, the dangerous, long-range left hand and the accurate right jab."
McCarthy: "Ke$ha's got to get some distance here. She can't let McCutcheon keep fighting off her chest like this."
O'Dell: "Ke$ha shoving McCutcheon off, landing that jab, getting the distance Mac says she needs, scoring some from the outside. Locating better, keeping McCutcheon at bay."
McCarthy: "This fight is shaping up to be all about distance."
O'Dell: "And Martine bobs inside, lands some good shots upstairs...AND KE$HA TAKES A KNEE! Good flurry, Mac, but, again, not one punch!"
McCarthy: "Maybe more exhaustion than anything...McCutcheon really pressuring this kid."
O'Dell: "Ke$ha up at seven, will take the mandatory, and before it's over, there's the bell. But Martine McCutcheon off to a great start."
Tess: "20-16 after two is about as good as it gets."
McCarthy: "You're making SENSE, Walmart. Are there some magic powers in the ring your boyfriend gave you?"
Tess: "Well, it has a built in BS detector, and it's going off right now..."
O'Dell: "Into the third and the in and out pattern of this fight continuing. McCutcheon working inside, scoring with good, solid stuff, Ke$ha tying her up, shoving her off, landing from distance. Good back and forth stuff."
McCarthy: "Martine a little slicker. Using that experience to get in position a little more often. She's busier..."
O'Dell: "But Ke$ha's landing the heavier shot! Big right hands landing for Ke$ha. And a solid left."
McCarthy: "Martine working back inside, going body, but Ke$ha ties her up, forces her away, and lands again."
O'Dell: "Good exchanges at the bell. Close round, but I think Ke$ha won it with weight of shot."
McCarthy: "29-26, McCutcheon through three."
O'Dell: "Into the fourth now, and McCutcheon again able to work her way inside, fighting smart and compact, inside the reach of the bigger girl."
McCarthy: "Ke$ha being smart when she gets in there, tying up, forcing breaks, but she's not getting any work done."
O'Dell: "McCutcheon definitely getting the edge, dictating tempo when she gets the distance she wants. Ke$ha not allowing any sustained work like she did in the first, tying up and shoving off, but Martine's right back on her chest almost as soon as she does so."
McCarthy: "These are the kinds of things that happen to developing fighters, as you know, Jenny. They run into things they haven't really faced before, and it can cause them trouble. Ke$ha being forced to learn on the fly right now."
O'Dell: "And she needs to be quick on the uptake, because that's the bell for the fourth, and that was Martine's round."
Tess: "And it puts her up 39-35."
O'Dell: "The fifth is underway now, and the big blonde showing some movement now, circling behind that right jab, keeping McCutcheon at bay with it."
Tess: "One of the things I like about
Ke$ha is, she's not just a hitter. She's very athletic. Moves very well. She's no boxer at the moment, but she has the tools to develop into one. And, with the physical gifts she has, if that happens, she's going to be VERY dangerous."
McCarthy: "Know what I like about
Tess: "What's that, Mac?"
O'Dell: "Since when do YOU feed the straight lines around here, Tess? Meanwhile, McCutcheon working inside again, head hunting now. No longer going body. Scoring points before Ke$ha ties her up and forces a break. The big blonde lands a couple of good shots and Martine bobs back in close to work for points of her own. There's the bell. Pretty even round, ladies."
Tess: "I had it for Ke$ha. Just."
McCarthy: "I gave it to McCutcheon, but the judges could go either way."
O'Dell: "Second half of the fight begins, and Ke$ha lands some good shots! Stops McCutcheon and backs her up. The big blonde letting the hands go now. Putting punches together the best she has all fight."
McCarthy: "McCutcheon can't stay out there and cover up. Ke$ha has too much power!"
O'Dell: "Martine ducks a left hand, bobs forward...LANDS A BIG FLURRY! That stung Ke$ha! McCutcheon going all in nown backing the bigger girl into the ropes, hammering at the gloves, letting them both fly as Ke$ha covers up. GOOD RIGHT HAND, MARTINE...AND IT'S OVER! REFEREE HAS SEEN ENOUGH! MCCUTCHEON LEAPING IN THE AIR AND SPINNING AROUND IN CELEBRATION! WOW! WHAT A FINISH!"
McCarthy: "Referee did the right thing, there, Ke$ha was hurt and not doing anything..."
Tess: "Agreed, Mac. A more experienced fighter might have made a show of fighting back, even if she wasn't doing anything, to hold the ref at bay, but that was a good call. Ke$ha was in trouble."
O'Dell: "Not going to see a hug, Mac, but gloves are touched up as they announce the decision, and the winner by TKO6 is Martine McCutcheon!"
O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"
Tess: "I'm with our winner, Martine McCutcheon. You were giving up size and power tonight, but you said you could get the job done, and you did..."
Martine: "She hits like a truck, but she's green. I knew I was technically better and that if I could get in close, she couldn't handle it. I stayed away from her power and out boxed and out foxed her. It's time for people to realize I can fight. Hopefully, I opened some eyes tonight!"
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