"People keep asking me if I have a chance in this fight," says a smiling Zooey. "Well, I've got a right hand and she has a chin. I have a chance. And I've got nothing to lose, either. No one's picking me to win. All the pressure's on HER."
"Pressure is something I know how to deal with," says Daniela. "Try getting in the ring with Durance knowing it might be your last chance to make an impression. And, speaking of impressions, I fully intend to make a good one on my new employer. Nothing personal, Zooey, but you're in the way."
O'Dell: "Back at ringside and this is NOT a test. The song you're hearing IS 'This Is Not A Test' by She and Him and there's the lead singer of that group, Zooey Deschanel!"
McCarthy: "She looks smaller in real life than she does on 'Bones'..."
Tess: "That's because she's not ON 'Bones' That's her sister, Emily."
McCarthy: "Leave it to the weirdo to book the least famous sister! Next, instead of Tyra Banks he'll book her sister Elizabeth!"
O'Dell: "Not worth it, Tess. Zooey into the ring, helped off with the robe to reveal a black and white striped bikini..."
McCarthy: "What's THAT noise?"
O'Dell: "That would be 'Nothing Else Matters' by Metallica..."
McCarthy: "Didn't they do 'Mr. Sandman'? They must have changed singers, because the singer on 'Mr. Sandman' was a girl!"
O'Dell(sighing) "'ENTER Sandman', Mac..."
McCarthy: "Whatever! The singer was still a girl!"
Tess: "I...no...we'd be in the fourth round..."
O'Dell: "If we could return to a world where the sky is blue and grass is green, 'Nothing Else Matters' happens to be the favorite song of the girl climbing into the ring, 'The Portugese Princess' Daniela Ruah!"
McCarthy: "For the fans who don't know, Ruah's called 'The Portugese Princess' because she loves that particular dog breed..."
Tess: "WHAT dog breed?"
McCarthy: "PORTUGESE! Come ON Walmart, don't you know ANYthing? They're the little dogs that look like Chinese Lions!"
O'Dell: "That's it. I'm OUT..."
Tess: "That's PEKINGese!"
McCarthy: "Then why do they call her 'The PORTUgese Princess?"
Tess: "Because her family is from PORTUGAL!"
McCarthy: "That's not even a COUNTRY! Next you'll tell me they call Sobieski 'The Polish Princess' because she's POLtugese and not because she's a POLE DANCER!"
O'Dell "This is going on YouTube right now..."
Tess: "And for those of you that had that difficult to fill 'Mac mixes up a nationality and a dog breed' square on your J-Mac Bingo card, get out the dauber..."
McCarthy: "What are you TALKING about? What's Pam Dawber got to do with this?"
Tess: "The surrealistic part is that she's asking ME what I'm talking about..."
O'Dell: "I find saying 'I'm a Hall Of Famer' over and over again in my head helps. Ruah into the ring and helped off with the robe. Nice baby blue bikini and she's ROCKING it. Tess is on record favoring Ruah. Can we get a pick, Mac?"
McCarthy: "Ruah has to be the favorite, even though I think she's overrated. Deschanel's giving up size, strength and experience. She could win. The Weirdo's girls get upset a LOT. But she's the pick."
O'Dell: "And there, thankfully, is the bell for round one, and Ruah out there to take care of business, right after Zooey, who's more than willing to give ground right now. Ruah stalking, working her left hand..."
Tess: "This is something you see a LOT with Front Street big girls. Working everything off the jab. Sobieski and Decker do it a lot. So does Torv..."
McCarthy: "Know what the difference is between those three? ONE of them can fight, and it's not Decker or the Pole Dancer..."
Tess: "She is NOT a pole dance..never MIND..."
O'Dell: "Zooey giving ground as Ruah looks to landing something big. Working the jab to back Deschanel off as the bell rings ending the first. Shutout round, ladies."
McCarthy: "No doubt about it."
Tess: "Not a bad idea on Deschanel's part not to mix it up with Ruah, but she needs to find a way to get something going offensively."
O'Dell: "Second round and Ruah moving forward again. Pistoning that left hand..."
Tess: "Close your eyes and you can almost SEE Decker, Torv, or Sobieski. All of them use that looong jab the same way. And Ke$ha's developing it, too..."
O'Dell: "Ruah double taps the left...AND BLASTS ZOOEY WITH A BIG RIGHT HAND! DESCHANEL STAGGERS...AND DOWN SHE GOES!"
McCarthy: "Left hook follow up, but it was the right that did most of the damage."
O'Dell: "Deschanel down on her left side, not moving at all as the referee picks up the count at four...five...six..."
McCarthy: "He can count to a bajillion..."
Tess: "You KNOW that's not a number, right?"
O'Dell: "Nine...TEN. It's OVER! The winner by KO2 is 'The Portugese Princess' Daniela Ruah!"
O'Dell: "Let's go on up to the ring where Tess Valmore has Daniela Ruah!"
Tess: "Daniela, great way to start your Front Street career..."
Daniela: "Give her credit, she's game. But I'm too big, too strong, and too good for her. Of course, I'm too big, too strong, and too good for a LOT of girls. As people around the FCBA are about to find out."
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