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Posted by Proverbs31Mom on 2/16/2007, 3:08 am Hi DreamWeaver, Boy! I started off this night trying to "escape" my reality and play with IMVU (Proverbs31Mom) a little, which I found recently through a friend. I decided to do a little "shopping" and add to my wish list, for when I become a millionaire. lol So, I clicked around and found some things. And clicked links that led to new links. And eventually ended up in your products. Loving them, I was trying on things and adding to my wish list when in the process, I went to your homepage. That's where my night took a 180. The little bit of your story you tell in your "About Me" section was enough to make me follow the link to your story. I have been engrossed in your story ever since. Reading it slowly and thinking about my life, and "lack" thereof. Your Joshua is a combination of my brother and my son. Read on. My brother was diagnosed when he was almost grown with schizophrenia. As a young child, they didn't have the resources in our town to really diagnose him, but he was labeled with LD (learning disorder). Back then, they didn't have nearly as many labels as they do now. LD didn't quiet encompass his problems, but that's all he could get. He stayed on drugs, had horrible behavior problems similar to the ones you described, all but tortured me growing up, etc. He was mean and cruel to people, lied, cheated, stole, done drugs, you name it. I didn't find out until I was grown that apparently part of his brain didn't develop before he was born. Mama had RH negative blood type, and those were the days before the shot existed to correct the related problems. So, both of us had problems... and his biggest problem was his brain development (mine were all SERIOUSLY medical/health related). He is now in his 40's and is serving a life sentence for the murder of a 20 month old baby. I do not believe, nor does most everyone else, that he done it. But, with a lack of family resources and my father had died months before this leaving my mother unable to do anything financially, he got stuck with a public defender. There had been SEVERAL cases of child neglect and endangerment due to social service/welfare agencies not following up properly with reported child abuse problems. A few children had died, and there was a lot of negative media coverage and ALOT of public outcry. So, with the timing of it, and the lack of funds to get him a competent attorney, he paid the price to appease the public. His girlfriend had actually killed the child (it was hers from a previous relationship) and admitted to it, pleading to avoid a trial and a reduced sentence (she only got like 7 years). But, because he believed in his innocence, as did we, he decided to "fight" to win. The cards were stacked up against him and obviously he lost. Now, he's in prison for life. The thing is, his attorney decided to NOT mention the diagnoses of LD or schizophrenia or any of the others (his diagnosis would change from time to time over the years depending on circumstances, as you can understand, but primarily, those were the ones that stuck and applied the most). Also, being the incompetent attorney that he was, he didn't do anything to actually defend him (like he didn't even call ONE witness, present ONE shred of evidence, etc... he only vaguely cross-examined some of the witnesses). And, with the media coverage and public outcry, my brother was the "feather in their hat" so to speak. His conviction was "payment" to all those babies that had died (although they were all unrelated and over time.... still it seemed to satisfy the public to see someone "pay" for a crime). And, because his disability was never mentioned, he's in regular prison population... with "REAL" murders and such. Defenseless... and on his own. I'm sure I don't have to warn you that him at 40-something is not a regular 40-something. I'm sure that when you think of Joshua in his 40's, chances are, you don't see him with a "normal" life such as the one you have... married with children. As much as we dream about it for our children, in these cases, we realize it may not happen. He's a victim of the system, or the lack thereof, since he couldn't get a good diagnosis or intervention. And, as with many people with mental problems, when they take their meds, they feel better and function better, so they think they're cured and stop taking it, which opens a whole new can of worms. They don't realize that they only feel better because of the meds. And, when they turn 18, in most cases, parents can't control things anymore (the laws may be different by the time Joshua gets there, but by then it will have been almost 30 years since my brother was 18... hopefully you'll be able to intervene in his life more than my mother was able to). That's where my brother is. He's 12 in a 40-something year old body. When we were growing up, when he reached about age 12, it was obvious that he stopped developing, mentally. When his friends matured more and "left him behind," (i.e. stopped being as close because he was so immature), then he started befriending those my age (I was 2 1/2 years younger). We had 4 cousins (sisters) that were all about 2 years apart, the oldest being about 2 years younger than me. So, we were all like "doorsteps." After he outgrew my friends, he went to the oldest cousins’ friends, then the next sister, and so on. Well, do the math. If this started at age 12, he was eventually a grown man with 12yo friends. And of course, many of these were girls. That's the age girls start looking for boyfriends, and of course his own hormones were in full swing. So, since he related to that age the most, that's what he was seeking. In his mind, he didn't see anything wrong. He was not a pedophile. He truly related and saw himself as 12 (even when he was 14 or 16). Of course, I'm fully convinced that he never had sex with them... but at that age, penetration isn't necessary for the law to be involved. It took ALOT of convincing him of the trouble he could get into and the inappropriateness, but he finally learned to have girlfriends who were closer to his own age, or at least of legal age. The problems that led to his conviction stemmed around the fact that he didn't know how to treat people, and in this case, a baby. We were spanked growing up (although it's becoming uncool... but as long as the print in my Bible doesn't change, I'll still believe in it myself 100%). His problem was however, that he didn't realize what was appropriate, how hard, how much, etc. So, in his mind he was trying to be a grown-up, and discipline his girlfriend's baby (not that a 20 month old generally deserves a spanking... other than a slap on the back of the hand to teach him to not touch something harmful, etc). But, he didn't know this. And, when he did correct the child, he didn't know how, or how much force, etc. I truly believe he was guilty of child abuse, even unwittingly (like I said, I was the baby sister our whole childhoods, and I KNOW how cruel he can be). Child abuse was his second conviction. He was given Life for murder plus 10 years for child abuse. I believe he was guilty of the abuse, but not the murder. The girlfriend had inflicted the bruises that the coroner said caused the death. They didn't live together and had not even seen each other for a few days prior to the death. Then, the night before the death, she came to my brothers’ apartment, and they went to a neighbor/friend's apartment to watch a movie. The friend noticed the bruises when she carried the baby in his apt. and asked about them. She said "oh, he just bumped into the door of her bathroom." Come to find out, she "bumped" the baby into it because he was crying and wouldn't "shut up." The age of the bruises was consistent with it happening several days before she went to my brother's apt. Realize that in their world, on disability (which pays hardly anything) and on serious meds, they usually don't drive or have cars or the money to get a cab to each others place. So, to go for days (or longer) without getting over to someone's house is common. And when you get there, you spend the night because you don't have a way home. Which she did. It's a huge effort and a big deal to visit each other (sort of reminds you of olden days).
(There's a size limit that this message board will allow, but I felt compelled to write this to you. So, I'm going to split it and post it in multiple posts. I hope you understand. And I hope this helps you).
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