[ Return to The Pub ]
Posted by Kate on 11/23/2008, 9:07 pm, in reply to "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore..."
I wanted to die, but didn't have any way that would be quick and easy, and didn't have the nerve to do it the painful and messy way. And didn't want my family to find me like that, anyway. So I just tried to will myself to die, but that didn't work either.
After about six weeks, my husband was totally at a loss for what to do for me. I was not clearly not functioning well at all. We had very limited health insurance, it didn't cover psychiatric care, and I don't believe that a general practitioner could have helped me.
Finally, one day, I said, "I think maybe...I should go talk to a pastor." He was relieved and grateful that finally I was going to try something.
I looked in the phone book, and one of the only churches that noted there were weekday office hours for the pastor was a non-denominational church, which turned out to be pretty much Southern Baptist.
I poured out my story to the pastor, about the ordeal I had been through, how horribly I'd been treated (without mentioning the abortions). He listened carefully, nodded his head at all the right times, then when I was done he said, "If you died right now, and were standing before God, and he asked, 'Why should I let you into Heaven?', what would you answer?"
Huh. That was not what I was expecting. I said, "Well...I've done a lot of bad things in my life. I would hope that if he put me on a big scale, that somehow the good things would outweigh the bad things, and I'd be okay." That sounded lame, even to me.
The pastor answered, "No. What you can say to God is, 'Because Jesus Christ died for all of my sins, and I am forgiven.' That is the only thing you can answer, and the only thing you need to answer."
Okay...yeah, I remember that little construction paper book -- black as sin, red as blood, white as snow -- yeah, I get it now.
So, I went home, told my husband kids I was better now, and I started going to church that Sunday. But...that's when things got messy.
Message Thread:
« Back to thread