Posted by Jamie I need to talk a little, but first I have to be honest about something, because if I'm not, this won't work. After I'd written a couple of times, to this address and to your other clubs, I thought, ####, you're making a total fool of yourself, nobody wants to hear what you have to say, it's just plain stupid. So I didn't write for awhile. That same 'logic' has undermined me many times, in many ways, about many things, including the size of my dick, which i've already written about, and which I need to write more about. The more I've looked at these responses of mine to myself and the underlying "you're no good" theme, the more it all came back to that 4th grade nun I wrote you about. So I started writing more and more about that in my own journal, page after page. Then something very interesting happened. Before I quite knew what the hell I was going, I was on the horn to the San Francisco Archdiocese to see if I could find that nun (Sr. Judith was her name). The Archdiocese referred me to the convent she had belonged to, and they agreed to do some research -- it was, after all, a very long time ago. But guess what, they found her!! Man, I was stunned! What have I done??? Anyhow, as I kinda expected, she'd left the convent years ago, and while they couldn't reveal her whereabouts, they would send any communication on to her, and if it would help me, I could also write the current head of the order about my horrific experience. I think I actually felt something snap inside me. I sat down at the keyboard, and for 4 solid hours and 4 solid pages, I wrote that nun about each and every thing she had done to me, how she robbed me of normal growth and development by convincing me, and using my classmates to convince me, that I had no value as a person. As she said to me many times when I spoke up in class: Nobody cares about you. Quote, unquote. I have never been so focused as I was on that letter. I was face to face with her as if she were in the same room. I told her she may have had all the power when I was 9, but I've got all the power now, and she's done. Finished. I just need to finish the opening paragraph, then the letter will be ready to mail...with copies to the Archbishop and the convent, and maybe a few others. If I didn't live 100 miles north of SF,I'd hand deliver. It is an amazing experience, not only confronting issues that've been buried deep and long, but actually confronting the perpetrator. It feels to me like a major point in my life and growth, and I wanted to tell you about it. oooJamie --Previous Message--
on July 9, 2002, 3:53 pm
Hey, Craig!
: Hi Jamie!! 
: Thank for posting your message. I really
: enjoyed reading it. [as I do ANY truly
: honest and heartfelt message!!]
: Sorry about what you went through. You
: certainly didn't deserve ANY of that
: abuse. It's especially sad - I think -
: that much of the abuse came FROM someone
: who would [most likely] consider herself
: to be the 'bride of Christ'. Poor God ...
: one can only imagine how heartbreaking it
: is for HIM to know that someone down here
: on earth is abusing others in HIS NAME.
: I can appreciate what you mean when you said
: that the 'Sister' lived on in your brain.
: My dad has been dead almost 9 years and
: I'm STILL trying to find the 'right words'
: to make HIM happy.
: Take care of yourself, Jamie.
: GREAT BIG HUG!!
: Craig!!
:
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