Posted by Craig I'm really sorry you're going through all of this. It's a horrible feeling - I know - to be bullied. It's even worse when there is more than one of 'them'. Those guys SHOULD be 'there' FOR you. They SHOULD be a group of people that you can count on for support. But they're not. [which makes what you're going through all the more difficult] Is it your fault?? Absolutely NOT. A person bullies someone because HE has a problem. Unfortunately - he has made HIS problem YOUR problem. [as is the case with all bullies] Whenever there is a group of people who are bullying someone - there is always a 'ring leader'. [so to speak] The 'ring leader' starts the bullying [for whatever reason] and the others join in. WHY the others join in because they fear becoming a target - a victim of the 'ring leaders' abuse. The 'ring leader' is projecting HIS insecurities ON you in order to keep himself from ever having to really examine his OWN life and his OWN problems - and the others are simply following along. [because they are cowards] Surprisingly little of what is going on - has anything to do with YOU. If it wasn't YOU - it would be someone else. As personal as the abuse seems - it really isn't all that personal. [in spite of what they're saying to you] It also has nothing to do with how you LOOK other than the fact[?] that you 'look' [perhaps] like an easy target. [what an 'easy target' looks like to a bully - is anyone's guess] So what can you do about it?? In that group of bullies - is there anyone NOT really bullying you?? Perhaps they're just nodding or laughing at what is being said - but not actually saying anything directly to you?? If there is - then focus in on THAT person. Whenever there is a group of bullies - the best way to deal with it is to chip away AT the group by befriending the 'troops' - those following the crowd AND the 'ring leader'. What do I mean?? Well... anytime you see someone [from that group] who is NOT really bullying you [and who is ALONE - with no other 'group member' in sight] say 'hi - how are you?'. No matter how that person responds - just smile and get on with what you are doing. Do that every time you see that person. If there is more than one member of the 'group' who fits into this catagory - then say 'hi' to all of 'them'. [but again - ONLY IF they are alone - with no other group member in sight] But no matter who you end up saying 'hi' to - completely ignore the 'ring leader'. Eventually - the 'group' should start to weaken. The 'ring leader' won't like it much - so he might bully you more frequently [in order to keep as many of his 'followers' as possible] but that won't last too long. Bullys are 'chicken-shits'. [to put it mildly] They are like a little dog that snaps at your ankles. It's only when we [the 'victim'] accept that fact - do 'we' start to gain power over the bully. [and everyone who is following him] More often than not - the best way to fight 'fire' is NOT with more 'fire' - but with 'water'. 'Flush out' the follower's by making it more difficult TO follow. Given a choice - most guys will 'side' with someone they think cares about them - then they will with someone they KNOW does NOT. Does any of this make sense?? I hope so. Please feel free to post as many messages as you want to. You can even email me directly - if you like. This is MY message board - so I make the 'rules'. There is no 'rule' as to how many times a person can post a message. Now that I know what's going on in your life - maybe you should talk to your girlfriend about it. The worst thing we can do is keep to ourselves something that is going on in our lives. You may THINK that you're keeping things from your girlfriend - but chances are - you're not. She may even be worried that SHE is the reason why you're under so much stress. [just a thought] GREAT BIG HUG
on April 2, 2003, 2:28 pm, in reply to "Is it me???"
24.77.2.41
Hi Tom!! 
Craig!!
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