Posted by Feeling Down on August 28, 2004, 1:18 pm
67.10.201.159
3 nights ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I expriremented with christianity. I was just wanting to explore somthing new and see what the big deal was. My mom is a christian, but I've never really been into it. I was going to christian message boards and seeing how seeking god and stuff like that worked. Anyway, I've been bullied for years. And like the people on the message board told me to do, I prayed about the bullies and prayed about my jealousy and envy in my heart. That was by far the worst thing I've ever done. I lost somthing very important to me. My ego, my hatred, my anger, my jealousy, my envy. I used all those emotions I mentioned to stand up to bullies, write poetry, write stories, enjoy being who I am, feeling superior, and best of all; to act in theater. I feel like all the years of being bullied I've lost somthing that made me myself all because I was wanting to see what chritianity was like. I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I try to get angry, I try to hate, I try to envy, but I can't do it.. Instead my emotions get blocked by the so called "holy spirit". I try to hate bullies that have tormented me my whole life, but I can't do it! I can't be myself anymore.. why? why can't I? please, please help me! I want to be myself again.
Message Thread:
« Back to thread