Posted by Cat on 2/2/2005, 13:23:44 To put the last one simply, I'm torn (after all these years!) between my traditional culture and the one I'm in. You'd think I would have had felt this pull long ago, but funny enough, I'm feeling it now. I want to go back to Japan to live, but on the other hand, I know that if I do, I'll be yearning to come back to the States. Most of my friends are here. But then again, most of my relatives are there. I never really thought that cultural identity mattered that much until I lost a much more fundamental sense of self. It's not something I can go into detail in public, but suffice to say, I felt like perhaps I shouldn't have been born and that perhaps the world would have been a happier place without me. I know I didn't do any good when things were at stake. ...I'm still a very sheltered person and I probably can't understand many of the problems that other people face. I mean....financially I'm extremely tight but not that desperate. No one's abusing me verbally or physically. It's not as if I've a serious physical ailment. So...I think I shouldn't be so depressed and stressed out except I am. The best I can do is tell myself that things could be even worse...what a cheering thought. -v-;;; And I completely lost track of what I was going to say. I mean, it's not as if I want to make you more depressed or something! I guess what I want to say is...even if I almost never check the message board or your site, I'm here for you. In fact, even though I never check up on people because I'm lazy, everyone here is always on my mind, even if it's a back corner and it's with the guilty thought that I should check back more often. XD We're all kind of remote now, but if it makes you feel any better, I'm here and thinking of you. I'm sure everyone else is too. I can give you annoying advices, like count your blessings, look for the silver lining on the cloud, etc., but I think what makes _me_ feel better is knowing that there are people in my heart who keep me in their hearts (or at least, I hope they do! XD). And if you ever need to talk online or in rl, just let me know. I'm still in the garden state! ^_- And all of it goes for everyone else too! :D But if I disappear from the message board again, just bug Ari or Minmei. XD My sisters keep better track of things than I do and they can bug me if I'm being remiss again! XP Okay, enough with the long entry. Cat, Out!
68.130.189.192
Mmm...Dunno if you're out of the slumps now...but if it's any comfort (although I don't know why it should be), I was/am feeling somewhat like you. For me, it was a bunch of bad things happening/discovered one after another...and I think I've lost most, if not all, of my self-confidence. I haven't gained much of it back...then when I started grad school last fall, I think I've completely lost my sense of identy, of who/what I am.
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