[ Post a Response | Community Chapel Gathering ]
Posted by John on 5/1/2006, 11:04 pm What I am speaking of is the freedom to think for myself, make my own mistakes, make my own choices, be my own man/person and not be lumped into one generic group. Honestly speaking the worst place for me to gravitate towards was the church after I left home and then the military. I needed to, pardon the cliche', find myself, find out what I believed and make my own way in life. What church did was put me into a group of people that all desired the same thing (finding the Lord) which was admirable and good, but for me it only compounded my already co-dependent mind set and stifled my own personality. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to run from the church, both from Chapel and the church I was attending in Iowa. I felt as if I were suffocating and being forced to think and be as everyone else was. I hated it, but I gave it all of my energy to make it work. It was a complete and total disaster. The "split" was liberation for me. Being forced to make my own decisions, make my own stupid mistakes, experiment with life and found out where I really stood with the Lord. I will never look back at those dark and dreary days in the "Church". I will never regret not being part of a "Church". I tried many times and the minute we were instructed to greet our neighbor in the pew, or pray as a group for finances or pray for the pastor or told to open up and worship I would get a sick overwhelming sense of dread that crippled me. I stopped trying years ago. The question is am I completely out of touch with reality, am I sliding down a slippery slope of deception and delusion because of my independence? The jury is still out, but I will never be crammed into another church environment like I was for nearly 20 years no matter what the ultimate consequences are.
67.5.115.134
Please don't correct me and say the greatest gift of all is salvation through Jesus. I know that and that is a given.
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