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Posted by Hope2Much on 3/9/2006, 2:00 am
My wonderful, caring boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. 3 nights ago was the first time I told him, or anyone that I was raped when I was 13years old. Since then I also developed a severe eating disorder that has been a roller coaster ride. He took it well, told me he would help me through it, and that we could do it together. I never have been able to trust him in the way I should (anyone for that matter), although I know I have every reason to, I dont want him to talk to people about our problems because I feel like it is hurting me even though maybe it really does help him, and I am scared he is going to leave me although he has proved to me that all his intentions are to marry me and be with me. Why am I hurting myself so bad like this if I know how much he loves me. I am about to lose the best thing in my life because I can't help myself and because I can't love myself. I stopped loving me when I was 13. Telling him/someone/anyone for the first time that I had been raped was such a HUGE thing, but where do I start and pick up the crappy little pieces? I am so obsessive about him but not for all the right reasons. I forget about my feelings and myself in order to try in please him, which ends up back firing because I get upset because he doesnt respond to me or say the things I want to hear. How do I do this guys? Help me, if I talk to people anonymously maybe for once I can start to get some answers. I don't want to lose him, it is the most important thing to me, and I want to help me so that I can be happy with all it is that I have, so please give me advice if you are of the wise! 
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