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Posted by acetate prophets on 3/19/2006, 3:16 pm my boyfriend lived with me at my parents house(we are 20) we both stayed in my room(8x10), shared closet & drawer space, needless to say a VERY stressful situation as i am a neat freak and obsessed with order. we would fight a lot about the most rediculous things, but i believed he loved me. we were the very best of friends and the only person i've ever really felt any connection with in friendship and in a relationship. he made me believe that i was his saving grace and he loved me more than anything. after living together for 6 months he became obsessed with his job and money, i guess he was looking to prove he could support himself, he talked about getting himself together and moving out(our living situation was supposed to be only temporary) we both agreed it would better our relationship. a year later he was still living with my family. we trusted each other greatly i believed, he would go to parties with his friends though mostly we would hang out with my friends. a week and a half before he broke up with me he had gone to a party with mutual friends that i was too tired to go to and asked him to stay home with me, he didnt and ended up cheating on me. two days later he broke up with me because i wanted to sit in the chair he was sitting in for a couple minutes(the chair is next to a table, i wanted to write something down) i thought this was odd because he has left before over stupid fights but this time felt more real. three days before valentines day i found out that he had cheated on me and when i confronted him he claimed that i was the reason it happened, that our relationship had been over for awhile, all the while he held me, told me he loved me and slept in my bed that my parents brought for us,(we were to pay them back, i payed my half, he didn't) under my parents roof. my world collapsed he was my whole life and i felt empty without anyone to love. I felt he was my purpose. i had no one to clean up after, no dishes to do, no laundry. nothing. i felt so worthless and imagined hurting myself(i never would but i had these weird thoughts about cutting myself) right afterward i still wanted him back, he told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore, that he had changed and i wasn't the person for him anymore. i got angry and told him i didnt want anything to do with him. a month later was a year since we went throught something very serious together and we decided that we would hang out that day. he talked about us and how he loved me and he had made the ultimate mistake how he knew that there was still love between us and we would always be best friends and referred to me as his girl and told his new boss i was his girlfriend. i told him i didn't love him, that he was kidding himself to think i was still his best friend and that i would never date him again. I had been so lonely in the time we had been broken up and really just enjoyed someone elses company that i hung out with him again and made the mistake of hooking up with him, i continued to tell him we'd never be together again but i just felt more comfortable being with him pyshically than some rebound. This is harsh i know but true and in a way i wanted to hurt him back. we hung out the next night and he told me that while we were apart he had saw his ex from years ago he had brought a dozen roses for her on valentines day, she blew him off, and also hooked up again with the girl he cheated on me with. it brought back all the hurt and i told him i didnt want to hang out with him again, he was upset, cried, told me he hated me but i just don't want to hurt anymore. but i still want to see him and be with him knowing that it will just blow up in my face, i can't fight the urge to text him. i just want to be over this boy. but i feel like this with every relationship in my life. people hurt me and i just smile through cause i feel i need people in my life to take care of and help fix, but they always end up leaving me. i never knew why, i just thought i was worthless. i attract friends and then after awhile they just walk away from me and i couldn't figure it out. after this break up and reading about codependency im starting to think this is why. i want to love myself enough to have healthy relationships with friends and lovers. im sick of people walking out of my life. just need to vent, don't even know if this thread even made a point. sorry if you read all this.
i just got out of a year and a half relationship. my ex comes from a dysfunctional family. his father left the picture early on, he cheated on his mother. They both had substance problems, his father used to make meth and was a BAD alcoholic. His mother would tuck him in at night with coke up her nose, his mother blammed everyone for everything, but herself. She is a very irrational person, fueled off drugs and alochol all of this in front of her kids. she eventually stoped paying her morgage, moved in with a friend and then was kicked out and moved from guy to guy, finding and quiting jobs all the while spending her money on drugs.
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