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Posted by dazed&confused Been married for 15 years and have 3 children and a dog. Perfect relationship until recently, since oct roughly. The details of the problems are not an issue, both have added to the problem. All I will say is this, we have had a big change in our life, work and friends; this has left me with carrying the weight of the family and she has the fun. My needs have become secondary and I have lost her trust with money and what she is saying about me to her new friends. This leads me to my personal problem now. I have never been like this before but with all that has happened, I have went from being 'needy', to 'anger'to being paranoid to being codependant(?) now. With our finances, we share everything. The money goes into a big pot, we pay bills and we are always in the red. Stuff happened in the past and now I have a hard time trusting, I find myself going through our accounts, her purse, her cell phone(she is a mate on my account and she uses a lot of minutes) and I have taken both of our credit cards away. She has realized what she has done to our family and has helped but how do I trust again? Our relationship is now distant and we get little time as it is together, I find myself getting angry when she goes out with friends. There are other issues here that have happened in the past which she has apologized for but I have a hard time letting it go which add to this. I now am afraid of losing her(as a friend). So much that I am willing to give her what ever she wants even if it means I suffer in the relationship. I have so much invested in his relationship, 15 years of great times and 3 wonderful children, we both respect our vows and are still in love. We are just in two different worlds right now. I feel like I am stuck, am I codependant? Does this show up with stress and in real rough times? We used to rely on each other so much. We did everything together, when something bothered the other person, we tried and stopped what we were doing. We shared the same friends. Now I find that she is not 'there' with me anymore. She is willing to do things that she knows bothers me and says oh well. So how do I let go and give her space without leaving or seperating but stay in love? Email to talk.
on 5/22/2006, 5:36 pm
Needing some communication with people experiencing the same problems. I about to see a counselor soon, Thur, so I know there is no professional help here on these boards. Just need to connect with the same.
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