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Posted by Shelley on 8/21/2006, 9:25 am
Hi, I am trying to get out of a 9 year relationship with my codependent mate. It has been a struggle just to keep my sanity and most of the time he makes me feel like I am at fault. At fault for everything. If I am angry about something, I am usually the one to end up apologizing. How does that work? I've tried to make him see how he makes me feel, I've come to the conclusion that I won't ever be able to do that. He is so self absorbed. He has all these little things that he does to make everything go the way he wants it to go, basically makes me feel like I am worthless and he is so much better than me, but at the same time, says he doesn't understand how someone like me could be with someone like him. (like I am better than he) I've come to realize that this is not only messed up, but has altered the way I am, or want to be. To the point of feeling lost in my own life. I am the type of person who will choose right over wrong and if I make a mistake, I own that mistake and learn as much as I can from it. This is the way I have always been and I know that I am a good person, but feeling for years that I don't measure up for him. From what I've read, there isn't much I can do to make him see that I really do love him, and have for all this time. To him, if we aren't having sex or I don't give him enough attention, that means I don't love him. And my life is miserable. I have fought with this for so long, and I'm tired. I deserve to have a happy life and this isn't even to mention that it could affect my childrens way of thinking. We are broken up but I can't get him to move out of our house. He constantly comes up with excuses about it and there is an excuse for everyday of the week. I've advised that he needs to go to counseling and he keeps telling me "You are going to have to talk to them too" which I've said I would be more than willing to do. For some reason, he can't accept this. That we could be broken up and I am still willing to help. I am not the evil b###h he sees me as. And he cannot convince me that I am. This causes constant fights and arguements where I end up crying and feeling like I should be the one who is sorry. I am so tired of feeling bad all the time. I am not someone who needs to be taken care of per say. I am not an alcoholic, don't do drugs, I am very independent and don't "need" someone to make me happy. I like who I am but hate my situation. I've let him tear me down though, and now I don't know what to do to get away from it. He has kept me from having any other meaningful relationships such as friends and family until 3 months ago. I put my foot down and had quite enough. He says my friends are not really my friends, that they just use me because I have things that they want. He has even had the satisfaction of being right about that a few times. But I know that my true friends like me because I'm me. Does anyone out there have any advice? It's a hard thing to explain and maybe even harder to understand if someone hasn't been through it themselves. Thanks for listening.....
Shelley
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