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Posted by John I am Codependent and have been in a relationship with my partner now for almost 4 years. She swings from Codependent to Counterdependent within the relationship and its been a case of ‘want you’, don’t ‘want you’. At present its don’t want you and I have again moved out and am now again living in lodgings. When she is counterdependent she pushes me away and hides behind a wall, nothing I can say or do will bring out from behind it. When the cycle changes and she becomes codependent and becomes needy and panicky and wants me back. When she is counterdependent she finds it hard to comprehend that I can love her! Shes says that she doesn’t know what love is! At present she is once again determined that the relationship is over. I have tried to convince her that she needs to have counselling like me and she has accused me of emotional blackmail and said she dosen’t want to see me again. She has even said if I try to contact her she will go to the police. She has made threats like this before when she is hiding behind her wall. These cycles have been going on now throughtout our relationship, I have lost count of the number. Can you advise me of the following: Yours sincerely
on 1/18/2007, 6:09 am
I was wondering if someone could give me some advise with regard to Codependence and Counterdependency.
a. When in codependent or counterdependent our
emotions are all mixed up, is there any time
when we are in touch with our true emotions?
b. Am I right in presuming that this cycle
will continue unless one of us breaks it up?
If so is it likely to be me who is
counterdependent or my partner who swings
between the two.
c. My partneris the one who always instigates a
break up by pushing me away, I try to
keep in contact with her, but she ignores
me, and only contacts me when she wants to.
Is this a game she is playing to keep me
dangling on a string?
d. I seem to be in control of my behaviour and
do not experience any manic episodes, although
I do become very anxious about the abandonment
issues. My partner on the other hand becomes
very manic when she switches between
codependant and counterdependent. When she is
counterdependent she is adamant that she
dosen’t want me, but in codependent, she dose
want me. Is this normal?
I am at my wits end and could do with some help.Can anyone give me some advice or recommend a good book for me to read which would help to answer my questions.
John
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