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Posted by Luke I pulled out of university in the very last term, and I think this damaged my sense of self-worth, and I gradually became more and more despondent. I'm guessing, but maybe this added to 'the hole'. I'm now 28 and in the past 4/5 years I think I've had three co-dependent relationships (in the form of best friends). The previous two have burnt out, and obviously didn't end well. I kind of feel I've found my way in another. Although I like to think that we're just good friends - my patterns of control, reliance and lack of self-esteem and identity all seem to point towards co-dependency. I tell myself I love him - but I think this may all be part of the list of symptoms. Anyway, I started doing some research and found ut a bit more ... this evening's been quite an eye opener for me. Things that have happened in the past make much more sense when I consider I might be a codependent. But what now? I've heard of CoDa - but I don't like the religious overtones. I'd like to think of myself as quite a pragmatic person - and I think that I'd be able to help myself to large extend, but I'd like to know the best ways of going about this. I'd imagine part of the recovery process would involve recognising patterns and avoiding falling back into these routines. I want to feel less powerless and more independent. I care too much what other people think of me, and I easily fall into the part of 'victim' because I don't take responsibility for myself because I'm powerless. I'm thinking that going traveling would be worthwhile - it's something that I've wanted to do for a long time, and being a lonesome traveler might help me to sort myself out. I guess I'm just thinking out loud.
on 2/19/2007, 2:45 pm
well - I'm in a similar situation. the need to gain approval from others, in order to feel good about myself, has been a feature of most major relationships throughout my adult life. My parents weren't addicts (as far as I know) but I had a pretty awkward childhood; I was very sheltered until about 13, and I was bullied fairly regularly after that. Constantly felt like I was an outsider, and probably fell in to some co-dependency pattern back then - when I realised that I'd gain a positive payback from doing things for other people.
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