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Posted by justme on 11/11/2005, 8:43 pm, in reply to "what should i do?" Your man sounds like the classic abuser to me, I think you are better off without him. And as far as the new man goes, you will go through a few men before you find one that is right for you, so that doesn't worry me much. I don't know why you are so hard on yourself, you sound like a bit of an optimist in that you want to give your all to a relationship that you aren't even sure will last. And for God's sake, NEVER even THINK about killing yourself for some image of a man, no one is worth that. In a shorter time than you can ever imagine, you will be planted in the ground for all of eternity, for heaven's sake don't rush it!!! And for sure not for someone so unworthy of your thoughts or actions. You ask: What kind of person am I that I can stay in the realtionship when I know it's going to end and the other person wants to build a life together? What kind of person can go along with this and give them what they want while feeling unfulfilled and unhappy? I think that kind of person is just one hoping for the best while still reeling from being disillusioned in the past. You don't mention in what ways you are unfulfilled and unhappy, but my guess is sexually. I had a husband who was dying to please me but just couldn't do certain things, too uptight or something, I bought a "toy" and let him watch me use it, that was something he really enjoyed as well as actual sexual intercourse. Maybe your feeling unfulfilled is something entirely different, maybe it is emotional. In that case, I think as with the above case, you need to meet some of your own emtional needs, love yourself first, pamper yourself, put yourself above all others (hard for us to do) and don't let anything or anyone stand in your way as you provide yourself with loving messages. As far as his suicide attempts are concerned, purely a ploy, we have all heard these thousands of times, these creatures are too selfish to deprive the world of their company. You are doing fine, you have all the appropriate thoughts, just don't dwell on the negative and let each day be a wonderful excursion on the journey toward yourself and your new life. Some days will be good, others bad, but that is just what life is like for everyone. Soon the good days will outweigh the bad tenfold. Have a great weekend (I have the TV on in the next room and "The Wizard of Oz" is playing, I wish I had a dollar for every time I had seen that movie (I am a mom of two and a grandma of four, not to mention all the times my sister and I watched it in our childhood)..... I feel about five years old again. Do one thing just for you each day, and plan it the night before so you have something to look forward to. Make it big enough so that it takes awhile to do it, a trip to the library to take out a book or a VCR/DVD, a trip to the flower shop to pick out one perfect flower, a trip to the Humane Society to walk dogs or pet cats, shopping at the local dollar store for the perfect bubble bath, going to a candy store for three perfect confections, buying new sheets for the bed, going to the local health food store for great vitamins (ask for free samples, they have many), buying the most fragrant candle for your bedroom that you can find, shopping for the most exquisite Christmas ornament that you could ever imagine. Most of these things are free or very inexpensive, but they are great ways to focus yourself on your life. Get in touch with your local domestic abuse counselor, they have great support groups that know a lot about co dependency, you will make many new friends there. Their contact information can be found at your local courthouse(probably law enforcement) or family service office, just ask anonymously for their number. There will always be men in your life if you want them there, I am no spring chicken but I have at least three men in my life at all times and I don't WANT any men at all, right now, still healing from the ex. So never believe that it is too late for you. Little tip for you, men need us far more than we need them. I won't elaborate here because I have said far too much already, but if the wick needs dipping, they need a dippee. On the other hand, what the hell do we need with a wick? They are better off left with candles. Hugs to you, justme
Well, a few questions here. Whose idea was it to bring another woman into the relationship? If it was his, that is very belittling to you. If it was yours, I kinda get that because a man's idea of sex is usually just to poke a woman a few times with his thingy and expect her to die from the ecstasy of the experience. If it were a mutual decision, I would have to say it was a bad one. But if you are OK with three ways, who am I to judge?
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