EVEN DeepER Blurting!: DBNS: The Review That Almost Wasn't

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DBNS: The Review That Almost Wasn't

Posted by Kenneth Morgan on 12/25/2008, 8:06 pm

Today, Kenneth Morgan sends his Yuletide greetings right under the wire.
*****
I haven’t been very good about deadlines recently. I usually write a Christmas-themed review and post it in mid-December, so you can have time to check it out the subject yourself. Problem is, I’ve had a lot of other matters to attend to and have had to push things back. Actually, I was lucky to get this one put together at all. But, fortunately, I managed to get myself together long enough to write it up and post it before Christmas Day is over.

So, let’s move on to our subject for today: the Italian-made “The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t” (original title: “Il Natale Che Quasi Non Fu”), released by Childhood Productions in 1966.

The movie opens in the square of a small, European-looking town. (One IMDB reviewer refers to it as being in “Once-Upon-a-Time Land”.) We see a group of people, mainly kids, putting up Christmas decorations, led by kindly local lawyer Sam Whipple (Paul Tripp, who also wrote the story). (SUGGESTED RIFF: Has he gotten over his Charmin obsession yet?) Later on, Sam meets up with a white-bearded stranger (Alberto Robagliati). The man is dressed in a non-descript coat and hat, but Sam can see that the man looks a lot like Santa Claus. It turns out, in fact, that he really is Santa, and he tells Sam that Christmas won’t be coming this year.

Santa explains that the problem is caused by the miserly Phineas T. Prune (Rossano Brazzi, who also directed), whom Sam is familiar with. We learn that, up until now, Santa & Mrs., Claus (Lydia Brazzi) had been allowed to live at the North Pole rent-free by the local Eskimos. Now, though, Prune (who, of course, hates Christmas and Santa) has bought the North Pole and is demanding a whole lot of back rent from the Clauses. (All together now: “You must pay the rent!/I can’t pay the rent!”) They don’t have the money, and the only alternative offered is to give Prune all of the presents meant for the world’s good children. (S.R.: So, he doesn’t want the coal meant for the bad kids?) Thus, the problem: in direct opposition to the Grinch story, no presents means no Christmas. And the rent is due very soon, at 12M on Christmas Eve, leaving Mrs. Claus and Santa’s helpers (elves, not kids) pretty depressed.

Santa has come to Sam for help because, years ago, Sam actually sent Santa a letter of thanks for the present he received. Sam, good-hearted man that he is, agrees to help and, with surprising ease, go to Santa’s Workshop to await Prune’s daily demand for the money. Prune arrives and helpfully tells (and sings) about how much he likes being a bad guy, how he hates children for all the love they get (S.R. Give this guy a copy of “Oliver Twist”.) and won’t even admit that he was once a child. He does offer Santa a deal: promise to stop delivering presents to children, and the rent will be forgiven. Santa immediately says no, and he and Sam work on a way for Santa to get the money.

Sam has an idea: Santa can just go back to Sam’s town and get himself a temporary job and earn the money. Easier said than done, actually, since no one seems interested in hiring Claus. (There are intimations that Prune may be behind this, by the way.) Finally, though, Santa gets a job at a large store run by Mr. Prim (Sonny Fox), working as…a department store Santa. (Apparently, the very first department store Santa.) After some initial troubles, the job goes OK and Santa is a hit with shoppers and their children. He even manages to get past some minor annoyances concocted by Prune and his faithful butler Blossom (John Karlsen). Meanwhile, back at the Workshop, Santa’s chief clerk Jonathan (Mischa Auer) checks through Santa’s records to discover the reason for Prune’s villainy, or even any proof of his childhood. (S.R.: Get the lab boys to run his DNA through the database.)

However, when the 24th arrives, Prune pulls one last trick that may just derail the entire plan and leave Santa & company in the cold. Can they find a solution? Do I really need to ask?

I’ve known about this movie for quite a while. I remember, back when I was a kid, seeing commercials for Holiday revival showings of it at local theaters. I think I may have caught part of a TV showing for it, too. But this was the first time I’d actually sat down and watched the whole movie. And, let me put it this way: it’s not the best Christmas movie ever made. (That would probably be the 1951 “Christmas Carol” movie with Alistair Sim.) But, it’s not the worst, either. (That would probably be the unwatchable Grinch movie with Jim Carrey.)

On the minus side, the Prune character is yet another in a long line of Scrooge substitutes, played with little subtlety by Brazzi. As you can tell from the plot outline, the movie departs from the established Rankin-Bass canon when it comes to Santa. (I judge all Santa stories by that standard, by the way.) And I did have a problem with the idea of no presents=no Christmas; yes, it’s nice to get stuff, but the works of Dr. Seuss and Charles Schulz have put the lie to Holiday materialism in movies & TV. We do eventually learn to reason for Prune’s anti-Christmas views, and it’s not much of a surprise. There are some visual effects that are pretty low-grade, even by 1966 standards. Finally, as is all-too-common in Christmas movies, there’s no mention of the Nativity.

Still, there are good points, too. Paul Tripp is OK as Sam, who’s clever and supportive throughout. Alberto Robagliati looks the part as a more subdued Santa than usual, though the dubbing makes it tough to judge his whole performance. (IMDB reports that Rossano Brazzi was the only Italian actor whose own voice was used.) There’s an interesting plot idea where Santa is almost scared of dealing with kids in the store, since children are normally asleep when he comes calling. And the movie features none of the cynicism or irony of many of today’s Christmas movies. It's basically just a nice story, meant for children, where nothing really bad ends up happening and all ends happily. The theme song is well-performed by Glen Yarbrough, probably best known for his singing in the Rankin-Bass version of “The Hobbit”. And, judging it by MST standards, it lacks both the poor filmmaking of “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” and the utter weirdness of “Santa Claus”.

The movie does provide for some good riffing material, though. There’s the revelation of Santa’s rent problem (S.R.: Great, so Santa gets money from the housing bailout, too?), a moment when we learn that lawyer Sam is so nice he even forgets to bill his clients (S.R.: It’s official. Welcome to Fantasyland!), and the part where Santa gets stage fright before his first meeting with kids in the store (S.R.: Quick, get Edmund Gwenn into costume!). I don’t want to give away much, but one crucial moment is sure to inspire a quip of, “Okay, when does Sam Wainright’s telegram arrive?” And you can certainly toss in a few references to Droppo (or lack thereof) and Pitch here and there. Given that Rifftrax seems to be concentrating on recent releases & big ticket items, this might be a good choice for Cinematic Titanic’s next Holiday offering.

All in all, I think “The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t” is a pretty good Yuletide offering for kids and those who can remember a more innocent time. You can use it for riff fodder, too. Good deal all around, I guess. It’s probably too late to watch it this year on the 25th, but you could put it on the list for next time.

And I wish you all a safe and Merry Christmas, just in time.

CONNECTIONS NOTE: All connections this time are from MSTed movies. Rossano Brazzi (Prune) appeared with Joe Don Baker in “Final Justice”. Salvatore Furnari, who plays one of Santa’s elves, appeared as Timoteo, Hercules’ midget sidekick in “Hercules and the Captive Women”. Editor Maurizio Lucidi also worked on “Hercules and the Captive Women”, while composer Bruno Nicoli worked on “Operation Double 007”.