EVEN DeepER Blurting!: DBNS: Battle Royale...with Cheese

[ Post a Response | EVEN DeepER Blurting! ]

DBNS: Battle Royale...with Cheese

Posted by Kenneth Morgan on 1/30/2009, 11:23 pm

Today, Kenneth Morgan goes to Japan again and gets a ringside seat.
*****
People seem to be drawn to the idea of a big fight, be it real (Ali vs. Frazier) or speculative (U.S.S. Enterprise vs. a Star Destroyer). Make the fight between two evenly-matched opponents (say, Anakin vs. Obi-Wan) and that interest level increases. Make the fight sound pretty ludicrous (say, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula) and you can still hold the public’s attention. Combine those two ideas and…well, maybe things could be better.

Case and point, today’s subject: “King Kong vs. Godzilla”, produced by Toho and released in the U.S. by (grumblegrumblegrumble) Universal International in 1962.

The movie opens with bland news anchor Eric Carter (Michael Keith) from the U.N. (which apparently has its own TV network) reporting on an ice floe that has broken away and is floating towards Japan. He then reports on the discovery of a new variety of berries on a Pacific island that have anesthetic properties. It seems that the Japanese company Pacific Pharmaceuticals wants to develop them for profit, while the island’s natives refuse to provide them, saying they’re needed to placate their local god, which, since this is a Toho film, is apparently some kind of giant monster. Neither report seems all that important to the anchor, but just wait.

Mr. Tako (Ichiro Arishima), the head of PacPharm (I’m being a lazy typist again), is pretty annoyed with the low ratings and low quality of the company’s TV shows and wants a new attraction to drum up publicity. So, he sends flunkies Sakurai (Tadao Takishima) and Kinsaburo (Yu Fujiki) to Faro Island (the berry place) to track down the supposed monster and bring it back. In spite of the fact that this is a really stupid idea, the two goofballs agree and head out on a freighter.

While this is going on, the U.N. (which apparently has its own navy, as well) sends the submarine Seahawk to investigate the drifting ice floe. They find that the floe is somehow lit up from inside, that there’s an unusually high radiation level, and that the water outside has gotten warmer. (I’ll withhold comment on that last one.) The sub accidentally hits the floe (SUGGESTED RIFF: Yeah, I know, your heart will go on.), then simultaneously starts flooding and catches fire. (S.R.: Welcome aboard the U.S.S. Irwin Allen.) Oh, and as you can guess, it turns out Godzilla was inside the floe, frozen since his last movie (titled “Godzilla Raids Again”, among other titles). Well, now he’s awake and cranky, so he starts heading towards Japan to get in his morning workout (i.e. crushing a few cities). He arrives and the traditional toy tanks and guns are used against him, to no effect. (Haven’t they learned anything since last time?)

Meanwhile, Sakurai and Kinsaburo arrive on Faro Island and encounter a village of native tribespeople, played by Asian actors in dark makeup and wigs. (S.R.: This makes Al Jolson look progressive.) The natives want Frick & Frack to leave at once, but they change their minds once the pair bribe the natives with a transistor radio (S.R.: Make it an iPod and you can live here permanently.) and cigarettes (S.R.: Faro Island is Marlboro Country!). Later on, after a mysterious lightning storm and some shenanigans in the jungle, the skeptical visitors watch as the natives prepare large jugs of berry juice for the arrival of their god. And, just in time to combat a giant octopus that attacks, said god arrives. It is, of course, King Kong, who somehow got there after getting shot up in New York City. Kong gets rid of the octopus, guzzles some of the juice, and dozes off. (Remember, the berries are said to have an anesthetic effect.) So, with Kong asleep, S&K decide to truss Kong up and use the freighter to tow him back to Japan to fill their boss’s order for a monster. Once again, they don’t stop and realize that this is a stupid idea.

Anyway, Kong, tied up on a huge raft, is towed most of the way back to Japan when rough seas wake him up. He breaks away from his restraints and survives an attempt to blow him up. So, he heads for nearby Japan. While this is happening, Godzilla, after a brief hiatus (maybe he walked off the set to get a raise), starts attacking again. Finally, both monsters’ paths intersect somewhere outside of Tokyo, and they decide to duke it out. There’s also a Japanese scientist and his girlfriend, some American scientist stating way off-base theories about both monsters, more action from the Army, and some other stuff. But, it’s mainly Godzilla & Kong fighting. And that’s about it.

I’m at a bit of a disadvantage here. I haven’t seen the original Japanese version of this movie, and I understand that it’s very different from the U.S. version. It apparently has more of a satirical edge, regarding PacPharm and its publicity campaign. Also, there is supposedly a lot more character development. But, those were pretty much cut out from the U.S. version, which is what I saw. So, I can only judge it by what I’ve viewed, resulting in this conclusion: “King Kong vs. Godzilla” is a real mess.

To be blunt, this is the worst Godzilla movie I’ve ever seen. (I don’t count the Tri-Star thing, since that wasn’t really Godzilla.) It’s also the worst King Kong movie I’ve ever seen. (I still haven’t gotten around to “King Kong Lives”.) To name just one problem, the U.N. television footage, filmed solely for the U.S. release, slows up the action and doesn’t fit in with the rest of the movie. (At least they made a real effort at that with Raymond Burr in the first one.) They also reportedly dropped the usual Akira Ifukube music score in favor of Universal stock music, including the highly-familiar theme from “Creature from the Black Lagoon”.

To be fair, though, it seems like the writers of the original movie had no idea of what they were doing, either. For example, King Kong (again, no word on how he survived his debut movie) apparently now has the ability to gain strength from electricity, while Godzilla is now afraid of it (directly contradicting his debut movie). Also, there is conflicting dialogue from characters regarding their belief in the existence of monsters, in spite of those monsters hanging around Japan for nearly a decade. Toss in some broad overacting (particularly by Arishima as Tako), the aforementioned racial insensitivity, some sup-par matte effects, and a plot that makes little sense and you’ve got a really bad movie. And, perhaps worst of all, this movie makes both Godzilla and Kong seem like a couple of chumps, especially the way the supremely-destructive G-Man is made to look rather weak at times. It’s rather embarrassing. (Admittedly, though, the producers at Toho had reportedly decided to go more comic and family-friendly with Godzilla from this one on.)

I can only assume that rights issues kept this one out of contention for MST3K or its successors. That’s a shame, because this one has a lot of good riffing material. For example, when the doomed sub sends a distress signal in the form of a dye marker, I can just here the S.O.L. crew singing “Those Yellow Stain Blues”. There’s the arrival of the giant octopus (S.R.: So, does a giant SpongeBob show up later?), the highly-choreographed native dance as Kong falls asleep (S.R.: It’s the traditional Mickey Finn ceremony.), and the sight of the “heroes” rooting for Kong to beat Godzilla (S.R.: Have they no national pride?). I’m sure you could also throw in any number of “GINO” and Bob Newhart references, and maybe even some Jet Jaguar jokes. And, for you “Pinky & the Brain” fans, the U.S. scenes will elicit a Burr-style, “Yes, I see.” (Check the “Tokyo Grows” episode for details.)

So, in conclusion, I really can’t recommend “King Kong vs. Godzilla” as anything but riffing fodder. Fortunately, the leads survived this misfire. Kong made one more Toho movie (the better “King Kong Escapes”) before he started working for Dino De Laurentiis and Peter Jackson, respectively. Meanwhile, Godzilla settled into his role as a superhero in a few improved sequels, before returning to his “unstoppable destructive force” roots for the more recent movies. Nice to see some movie careers work out.

Oh, and for the record, they may be the good guys, but the Enterprise would get pummeled by a Star Destroyer.

TRIVIA NOTE: If you’ve heard of this movie, you may have also heard that the ending (more specifically, the winner) varies depending on whether you’re watching the Japanese or U.S. versions. It’s my understanding, though, that this is a myth; it’s the same ending on both sides of the Pacific.

CONNECTIONS NOTE: It’s the same Toho crowd as the other Toho movies we’ve looked at. Also, Les Tremayne, who narrates the U.S. version, has multiple MST and DBNS credits. U.S. Producer John Beck also worked on the previously reviewed ‘Kill the Umpire”. And the great George Worthing Yates co-wrote the story on which this movie is sort-of based.