Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. - Unknown
Posted by Paula on 11/3/2009, 8:28 am
I found out yesterday that my job is changing from primarily being on Oncology to a rotation of 2-weeks Oncology; 2-weeks dialysis; and 2-weeks ICU. Even though I knew we were a team covering all those units when I hired in, it was more than implied that I would be mainly on the Oncolgy Unit and have the opportunity to really develop the unit. When we were down to 4/5 people on our team, I knew I had to be more flexible and cover everything. Now that we are interviewing for the 5th position, I brought up to my 'team' my desire to mainly be on the oncology unit. One ripped me a new one about being 'inflexible' and, 'if I thought I was just going to be able to sit on the 4th floor, I was wrong.' It was ugly. One passively, aggressively sat by, now declaring her 'passion' for oncology even though she told me at my interview that she didn't want to be on oncology. So, this is not going to be the job I decided to take....I came home in tears...I didn't even make it that far...I called Bill on my way home sobbing (partly just from the ugliness of people after I've worked so hard to learn this job). He is all for me leaving and going back to my practice.................
OMG...another change??? More financial insecurity (tho we can make it on his salary and SS until I rebuild my practice). I guess today I call the owner of the practice and see if he is ok with me adding hours. What would be the best case scenario is that the hospital keep me on part time until 'they fill the positions' and, really, until I get my practice built up again. We'll just worry about insurance stuff as Bill's retirement draws closer...probably January 2011.
This will be my ninth job in 7 years....Am I just not a team player? Am I arrogant? Are people threatened by my experience? Does this particular group (except Shirley) think I'm 'better than them' because I don't join in on the bashing of everyone else in the dept? (It's viscious...My boss told me during my eval that she has never seen anything like the backbiting and visciousness of people against people in this dept. She affirmed me for staying out of it even recommending that I continue to not go to lunch with people because that is when they do their worse 'chewing up' of others.)
I told Bill last night that most people just learn to accept the crap in their jobs and continue on. Certainly if I wasn't married or had kids of bills we couldn't pay, I'd have to do that. I just don't seem to have the capacity to do that. He joked about us having to move to 'Swan Meadows' ( a rough area in Aberdeen) if I quit my job. I told him that, as long as I could keep my animals, I'd prefer something like that to working some place I can't stand. He was in total agreement. I guess that's one thing we have in common. I hope we're not like the squirrels in Autumn. He sees it as us trusting that God wants us to be happy and fulfilled in our work and that He will provide as He always has. I hope it's that and not foolishness and arrogance.
I needed to type this all out this morning. Thanks for listening.
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