Maybe it's time to kick to the curb the past and try something new. I'm not pushing what I'm doing - I'm just encouraging you to think outside the box and try something completely new.
I was shocked after struggling and being depressed about it too. You're worth trying something different. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Isn't that how the expression goes?
I believe in you. That I do know.
Or consider this option - be happy where you are and give yourself credit for how far you've come and say "You know what - this *IS* good enough"