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alright, fine.

Posted by chris on 10/19/2007, 5:08 pm
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Okay. I am a fish. I see that little string dangling there. Do you think I'm a fool? I'll bite it. Catch me, human. I love it. Do it.
I've been thinking about you all lately, thanks mostly to Erica's reemergence from a year of silence. Colors, though mostly lacking contrast or vibrance. Never smells though, which is a shame since smell is ultimately the crux of experience.
I've lived in Seattle for more than 3 years now. I'm thinking about moving again, to be honest with you. I don't work in food service anymore, because now I'm 24, and now I'm a sysadmin for an organic produce brokerage, and now I'm ambitious. I want to be much more than I've ever been. Mostly, I want to be secure.
I'm thinking about moving to the Bay Area. There's someone out there who painted me this incredible fantasy in thick viscous acrylics; an idyllic summer scene of tall grass and a clear blue sky and buzzing fireflies and banjos and that we live in a crumbling old mansion with 7 children in 7 different bedrooms. Smiling baby faces and then the auteur's dark, lowered eyes fixed intently, and we realize at once that this is Heaven and we have passed beyond life and into it's cotton snuggle. Narcotic, archetypal dreams to be sure, but compelling and carrying me along the air like a cartoon cat that smells fish cooking in the kitchen and floats along the fumes.
You know all too well how I am. That I am an animal of irredeemable fantasy. To wish impossible things, but it is what carried me through so much in the past. What about Liz, Cione Shelly, MigKitten, Drew, the girl I was living with? Oh, well. There lies the caveat, the rub. We always believed that love must be free, and so it goes, that we must be free to disengage and move along our respective paths as we find them, and if they do not converge but split and point to disparate spaces, then this is the will our hearts bring to bear on our lives. It went exactly like that. Though love is ceaseless and defies the passage of time, we live apart and we live alone.
It's not sad. It's not depressing! This is the way of the world! Even if the planet was swallowed up the Sun, the universe is still in perfect working order!
Have you ever used www.okcupid.com? I troll those boards now. Something amazing happened there: I experimented and came to realize that you can troll in real life, and women lose their minds. They go nuts for it. Talk shit like Vonnegut, and women will think you're some kind of angry genius. All you have to do then is be brave and keep up with them. These women I've met are full of life and vitality and energy and vibrance and the howl of mingled ecstasy and rage and ambition and want and desire! It's awesome. I never realized it was so simple to make friends. I never realized you could didn't have to do anything more than be brave and foolish and keep swimming.
Anyway, I guess that's all I've got for you. I'll come back and see how you felt later. I miss you.
-C

Message Thread:

alright, fine. - chris 10/19/2007, 5:08 pm

Re: alright, fine. - faith 10/23/2007, 4:21 am

Re: young and foolish - Old Grey 10/22/2007, 5:15 pm

Re: alright, fine. - Tass 10/20/2007, 2:43 am

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--Previous Message-- : Okay. I am a fish. I see that little string : dangling there. Do you think I'm a fool? : I'll bite it. Catch me, human. I love it. Do : it. : : I've been thinking about you all lately, : thanks mostly to Erica's reemergence from a : year of silence. Colors, though mostly : lacking contrast or vibrance. Never smells : though, which is a shame since smell is : ultimately the crux of experience. : : I've lived in Seattle for more than 3 years : now. I'm thinking about moving again, to be : honest with you. I don't work in food : service anymore, because now I'm 24, and now : I'm a sysadmin for an organic produce : brokerage, and now I'm ambitious. I want to : be much more than I've ever been. Mostly, I : want to be secure. : : I'm thinking about moving to the Bay Area. : There's someone out there who painted me : this incredible fantasy in thick viscous : acrylics; an idyllic summer scene of tall : grass and a clear blue sky and buzzing : fireflies and banjos and that we live in a : crumbling old mansion with 7 children in 7 : different bedrooms. Smiling baby faces and : then the auteur's dark, lowered eyes fixed : intently, and we realize at once that this : is Heaven and we have passed beyond life and : into it's cotton snuggle. Narcotic, : archetypal dreams to be sure, but compelling : and carrying me along the air like a cartoon : cat that smells fish cooking in the kitchen : and floats along the fumes. : : You know all too well how I am. That I am an : animal of irredeemable fantasy. To wish : impossible things, but it is what carried me : through so much in the past. What about Liz, : Cione Shelly, MigKitten, Drew, the girl I : was living with? Oh, well. There lies the : caveat, the rub. We always believed that : love must be free, and so it goes, that we : must be free to disengage and move along our : respective paths as we find them, and if : they do not converge but split and point to : disparate spaces, then this is the will our : hearts bring to bear on our lives. It went : exactly like that. Though love is ceaseless : and defies the passage of time, we live : apart and we live alone. : : It's not sad. It's not depressing! This is : the way of the world! Even if the planet was : swallowed up the Sun, the universe is still : in perfect working order! : : Have you ever used www.okcupid.com? I troll : those boards now. Something amazing happened : there: I experimented and came to realize : that you can troll in real life, and women : lose their minds. They go nuts for it. Talk : shit like Vonnegut, and women will think : you're some kind of angry genius. All you : have to do then is be brave and keep up with : them. These women I've met are full of life : and vitality and energy and vibrance and the : howl of mingled ecstasy and rage and : ambition and want and desire! It's awesome. : I never realized it was so simple to make : friends. I never realized you could didn't : have to do anything more than be brave and : foolish and keep swimming. : : Anyway, I guess that's all I've got for you. : I'll come back and see how you felt later. I : miss you. : : -C :

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