Posted by al --Previous Message--
on 12/1/2004, 5:11 pm, in reply to "Tips For A Happy Marriage "
204.210.243.85
Not Red, Henny Youngman
: Red Skelton's Tips For A Happy Marriage -
:
: 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice
: restaurant, have a little beverage, then
: comes good food and companionship. She goes
: on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
: 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is
: in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.
: 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps
: finding her way back.
: 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go
: for our anniversary. "Somewhere I
: haven't been in a long time!" she said.
: So I suggested the kitchen.
: 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she
: shops.
: 6. She has an electric blender, electric
: toaster and electric bread maker.
: Then she said "There are too many
: gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I
: bought her an electric chair.
: 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running
: well because there was water in the
: carburetor.
: I asked where the car was, she told me
: "In the Lake."
: 8. She got a mudpack and looked great for
: two days.
: Then the mud fell off.
: 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling
: "Am I too late for the garbage?"
: The driver said "No, jump in!"
: 10. Remember. Marriage is the number one
: cause of divorce.
: 11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces
: start with marriage.
: 12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know
: her first name was Always.
: 13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18
: months.
: I don't like to interrupt her.
: 14. The last fight was my fault. My wife
: asked "What's on the TV?" I said
: "Dust!"
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