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Posted by Lori on 8/3/2005, 9:50 am
I've been with my husband for about 10 years. First 5-6 years were GREAT. Now things are going down hill. In the last 4 years we have almost separated 2 times due to my husband didn't know what he wanted. He says he loves me but its not that In Love feeling. Which I also don't feel that "in love" feeling either but I believe that your love changes over time and its impossible to have that In love feeling forever.
This is the thing though. Year ago he wanted to spit up, this lasted about 2-3 weeks. I was destraught, I do love him alot. But I'm not going to say if this person don't love me. I was ready to leave, I found a place to rent and told him. Thats when he said he didn't want me to leave and started to act normal again. Looking back I feel for the last acouple of years he is very emotionally abusive. The last two break ups I cryed and was sick and when I thought there was no hope and started to do something thats when he would change back to a loving husband. I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I'm still hurt by this last eposide. Still it seems like good days and bad days. It seems he withholds his love and plays with my feelings. Its very hard to talk to him. He will out and out not answer me when I try to discuss anything with our relationship. We went to a concert last night he did not once touch me or give me a kiss, there were couples all around holding hands and hugging, not me. I asked him on the way home if he loves me? He said yeah why? Told him I'm not sure if he does because its been about 2 months since he told me and that he don't even desire to touch or kiss me at the concert. His comment was I tell you once an while that I do love you and I did touch you at the concert. Our arms were touching. I did tell him that maybe he don't need the affection and being told he is loved but I DO! Shit I must of been dating the guy next to me because his arm was touching mine too. Then he seemed to get alittle pissy and we didn't talk to the last five minutes of the ride. Then he acted like nothing was wrong.
I feel totally unloved. I love him and want to be with him and work on things but he won't go to counsling or even discuss problems. I just don't know what to do. I thought of leaving him but if he comes to me and is a loving I would be right back because I do love him. But I also know being here I feel empty and lonely and sooo unloved. He seems to give me loving and I think things will change then they don't. He baits the hook and I swallow it. Deep down I think he is trying to get everything in order to leave. He talks about a 5 year plan that we will be debt free an he talks about stuff that we can do. But I think... In five years our kids will be out of school we won't have the debt and he can start fresh with no regrets of leaving me with the kids in a financial mess.
What questions do I have to ask myself? I know that I really don't see things clearly since I do love him. If I was on the other side what would I see? This is what I would like to know.
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