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Posted by Reepicheep Anyways, in May, she called me up and said that she’d broken up with him and wanted to try things with me again. I was hesitant and wary but I couldn’t deny that I never stopped loving her and I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t try. She made it clear to me from the start that she still had some feelings for him but that she had feelings for me to and her desire to try to regain what we’d had was too much to ignore. She also made it clear that she intended to keep him as part of her life. I was fine with all of that, I knew it wouldn’t be the easiest situation, but it was all understandable and I wanted to be with her, so why should it matter? Since then, though, he’s done more things that really hurt me. The two of them speak everyday (often more than once a day) and they both always say, “I love you” before they say “goodbye.” She insists that it’s just friendly and a way of recognizing that they are so close, but it still bothers me because I know he still wants to be with her and I don’t think that when he says it he means to imply friendship. I told her that but it wasn’t like I was going to tell her what she can and can’t say. On the phone, when she’s tells him that she can’t talk because she’s with me, more than once I’ve heard him say, “Okay, I’ll let you get back to your lover then.” That really irks me because it feels like he’s belittling our relationship, like I’m just some fling. She insists that he doesn’t mean it that way, that he can just be a bit of a drama queen and he’s eccentric, but it still bothers me. Then there’s the big thing. I was away for July 4th weekend visiting family when I got a phone call from him. I don’t really know him and I don’t talk to him ever so it was strange that he even had my number. I didn’t know the number when I saw it on my cell, I just picked up. He was angry and just ranting, talking angrily into the phone. Telling me that I don’t deserve her, that she’s too good for me, that he’s going to get her back. Then he started saying things like “you don’t understand, she’s on a higher level than you are, I’m on a higher level than you.” I didn’t really know what to do during all this (granted it was only like a minute phone call) but I just didn’t say anything. I was kind of in shock. But then he laid down the big one, he said “she deserves better than you, she deserves better than a ####ing kike.” Now, I’m Jewish, not particularly religious or anything but still I’m Jewish. Besides when he said that, I’ve never experienced any sort of anti-Semitism in my life so I was more than a just a little horrified. I hung up immediately after I heard that word and just sort of stood there not knowing what to do. I called my girlfriend after a few minutes but she was about to eat dinner with one of her friends and I didn’t really know what to say, so I said it could wait. I ended up waiting until I got back home to talk to her about it. I’d like to say it was so we could talk in person, but it was really because I was scared. She was upset, but to be honest she didn’t seem all that surprised by it. She told me that he’d ashamedly told her before about having what he called a “fascist” phase in high school that included anti-Semitism but that she’d thought it was behind him. She also told me that once before he’d referred to me as “your Jew” when he was angry and that the two of them had exchanged angry emails over that weekend. She spoke to him about the phone call and after briefly saying that “maybe he’d done it and then repressed it,” he moved on to steadfast denial. Now, I have an incredibly old cell phone and it only saves my last 10 or 12 recent calls, so of course after the weekend, it wasn’t there anymore, but I had saved his number into my address book and I showed her that. He just recently sent her a printout of his outgoing calls from that weekend that doesn’t have me on it (like you can’t easily edit that in Word). She consistently tells me she believes me and that she knows he’s lying about it, but I’m still stuck feeling like I need to prove it to her. I don’t know, her reaction to this whole thing has just seemed mild. I’m horrified by it all, she just seems perturbed. We talked about it last night (what a god awful conversation), and I told her that it felt like she wasn’t responding appropriately and that it felt like she was excusing him on some level. I also finally said that I don’t understand how she could go on normally with a person after he outright lied to her. She insisted that things were strained between them and that they're conversations were not like before, but I still just don’t get her reaction. If my best friend in the world, a guy I’ve known since the 6th grade and I love like a brother, did something that hurt her the way that hurt me and then lied about it, I don’t think I could talk to him. How could I trust him at all? How could I maintain any sort of a friendship? And yet, she can still talk with her ex-boyfriend multiple times a day and still says, “I love you”! I don’t get it. Don't get me wrong, I love her with all my heart and I want to be with her so much. She's made this summer so happy and so fun for me but there's just been this spectre hanging over things for the last month. Wow, I wrote more than I expected to, I’m sorry. Anyone who made it through this whole long story, thank you, and please, any advice for what I should do or how I should handle this would be much appreciated.
on 8/5/2005, 10:34 am
So I dated my girlfriend for almost 2 years before we broke up in December(lots of complicated personal issues on both sides that we needed to work out on our own). she almost immediately started dating on of her male best-friends, who had been very clearly pursuing her while were dating. That hurt me, not that she started dating him right away (I was honestly happy someone was there to make her happy), I was angry at him for pursuing her when she and I were together, and I still feel like it was opportunistic considering he knew we were having troubles.
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