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Posted by RAZ on 8/11/2005, 11:23 am
I was in a relationship that had become quite serious over the past 6 months. I have two children and he has never had any and in fact had a vasectomy and does not want any children of his own (which I would like one more). He has always told me that he is fine with me having children and has always said he was happy. He told me numerous times that he had never loved anyone as much as me, never wanted to be without me, couldn't imagine his life without me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me - that I was "the One" for him. We had made plans for me and the children to move into his house next year in the Spring and planned on getting married. Well, after all of this was decided he started acting a little differently, almost controlling in some ways as far as finances and things. He wanted a prenup because of his retirement benefits and told me he never wanted me to argue with him, etc. (Keeping in mind that he thinks if you have a different opinion than him he thinks it is an argument.) Anyway, just two short weeks after telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, he decided he wanted to break up. You see, he had told me that he didn't want to have a child together because he wouldn't be able to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and that his lifestyle would have to change too much (he is 32 and I am 33). I told him, in a nice way, that some things would have to change anyway because I have two children (8 and 5) and there are certain parts of his life that would have to change. Such as: he couldn't always have friends over drinking beer and smoking cigarettes in the garage until 4:00 in the morning, especially on a school night. He is a detective for the PD and has weird days off. Although I did not get the reaction/response that I wanted or even thought that I would get, I told him this on purpose because he really needed to think about it before we moved in, and my kids are a priority - even if it means I get hurt. He had obviously not thought about the fact that things would change with the three of us moving in there. In his mind he must of thought that if he didn't have a child of his own then his lifestyle wouldn't change that much. Although he is blowing it out of proportion thinking he can't do anything ever, nobody ever said or implied that! At any rate, he broke things off saying that he decided he didn't want to change his lifestyle and in fact wanted to go back to his old way of life before dating me (which included a lot of going out and drinking with friends). He decided that he didn't want anyone depending on him, didn't want anyone to expect him to come home every night. Basically that he wanted to do what he wanted every step of the way. That our lifestyles (his as a single guy and mine as a single mother) were just too different to ever merge and that he was selfish in how he spent his money and wanted to continue to be selfish when it came to his money. My kids have a great dad and would not need to depend on him financially for any reason. At any rate I was completely confused and hurt. I couldn't believe it - one week he is telling me how he loves me so much and with everything he has and the next week he is telling me he would rather be without me! Well, that was 6 days ago and I have been very tempted to email him or something because I miss him like crazy. Of course I still love him too. He is very stubborn and even if he does want to contact me, he won't. Part of me hopes that if I send him a quick email that he will email me back telling me he made a terrible mistake or something. I don't know what to do... Is it better to just let it go and if he calls he calls or should I try to contact him to see if he wants to talk? Please advise me on this. Thank you.
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