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Posted by mitch harrison on 8/11/2005, 11:54 am
Feel a bit strange posting, never done this before, but anyway...
My girlfriend, who is 29 and I, 33, have split after 5 and a half years. We only moved in together last year. At the start everything was great, it was something we'd always talked about, we didn't want to rush into it. I had lived with a partner before which turned into a complete nightmare.
When we moved in, she was the main earner as I was about to start my final year at university. We had discussed this and she was happy with that arrangement, knowing that it would balance out eventually. However, just before christmas, i realised that my heart wasn't in the course any more, it was my honours year, so at least I still had my ordinary degree. I then applied for a Post Grad in teacher training, but was turnede down on a technicality. This, combined with only working part time, having no money and feeling like a failure for not completing my honours led me to fall into a slump.
Another sticky point was that over the 4 years of my course, I ran up a credit card bill, thinking that I'd be able to pay it off once I started working. However due to the fact that no job was forthcoming, I was starting to struggle to repay every month. She was fantastic about it all, she tried to get me to seek financial advice, she researched options and possible sulutions and tried to encourage me to find a job until I could re-apply for my post grad.
Sadly, due to my frame of mind I put up a barrier between us and was so apathetic about everything, including sorting out my debts, even accusing her of nagging me. I assumed that I'd snap out of it eventually, and that we'd be okay, unfortunately not.
4 weks ago she dropped the bombshell that she thought we should split. I was devestated. I couldn't see why at the time. After a couple of weeks apart and much soul searching, I realised what a nightmare I must have been. She was in a car crash in March, and since then has been re-evaluating her life. My behaviour obviously made her re-evaluate us as well.
She says she loves and misses me but doesn't think she loves me enough for it to be forever. She has never laid any accusations at me, I had to figure out for myself why it happened.
We have met face to face once since it happened and I opened up to her and explained that I've had a massive kick up the backside and I'm trying to get my life in order. I've managed to reach a suitable arrangement with the credit card and am currently working full time. I think I surprised her with my admission of culpabilty. I also said that I still loved her and that if she ever needed me for anything, I'd be there for her. She cried and thanked me and said she wants us to stay friends so much.
Unfortunately, she is leaving town soon to do her own post grad. We had discussed this months ago and thought we'd get through it. Sadly, now we've split, there's no time to try and work things through.
From what I can tell from the letters weve sent and talking to each other and people we know, she seems genuinely confused and devestated. She just has so much else on her plate, re-locating, trying to organise a tennent for the flat, emotional upheaval.
I'm trying to get my life back on track, I just miss her so much and love her so much. Can we ever work something out?
Sorry about the length, but I have a lot going on inside.
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