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Posted by A Little Unwell on 8/22/2005, 10:26 pm
My boyfriend recently broke up with me. It was hard because I gave up a lot to build a life w/him (relocated). In the beginning it was amazing. We were serious about each other and often talked about our future, including marriage. I had never felt so emotionally connected with anyone. I was scared to get involved and he made me believe in love again. I thought I had found someone who felt the same about relationships as I did. I thought that I had found someone that would stand by me and try to make things work when things got tough. I had never felt so loved or appreciated. He wasn't the man I though he was. During our relationship I had found out that he had lied or hid several things from me. This caused suspicions about what else he would hide or lie about. During this time he also had a female friend that I was uncomfortable with. (I did not trust her intentions and told him as much, he assured me she was just a friend and nothing more). After a while I felt like this friendship was more important than us or than I was. My ex-boyfriend does whatever it takes to avoids conflict and ended up avoiding me, breaking up and is now with the friend, who I suspect he was possibly seeing before we ended (there were tell-tale signs). While I believe he feelings were real in the beginning, I think when we started having problems he couldn't handle it (most of his relationships have lasted for a certain time frame). I worry that I somehow pushed him away because I had been doubtful (I deserve to have someone that's honest). I don't understand why people leave for someone else (the grass isn't usually greener), if one has someone that loves them unconditionally then why would they want to give that up and why would someone keep making the same mistakes as they have in the past and keep going through the same pattern. What we had was real at one time and it's as if a new relationship offers him the chance to be the man he wants to be but he can't sustain it. Everythings great in the beginning but when the woman finds out he's not so perfect (no one is) he can't handle it. I know I deserve more and I am better off with out him, but my heart still hurts. I don't know what he's thinking or how he's feeling. Chances are he is fine and he is happy with his life, but I still can't help but wonder if a part of him still thinks about us or if he regrets what he did or if he realizes what he gave up or if he will ever have regrets about giving us up. (I am not professing to be a bag of chips, but I love 100% and accept a person with faults and all, and people that can love unconditionally and be devoted are very hard to find these days). Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated. I know I should be greatful that I have the oportunity to meet someone that will love me the way I love them, but I am still struggling to understand. I am not pathetic. I know what I deserve, but I am still confused as to why things ended the way they did.
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