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Posted by Jade on 8/30/2005, 12:02 pm, in reply to "Re: Am I horrible? I could be...I hope not though." You sound like a decent enough person, and it sounds like you and she both lucked out when you found each other....but, let me say a few things here. The ring you placed on her finger is only a symbol of love, the actual love is inside, and I highly doubt that she has lost that love for you. It is apparent that you have not lost it for her. The point I am trying to make here is this...Love comes from within and when it is special and real, no amount of hardship will kill it. You have to look at it from her side thou. You havent worked for 6 months you said, hence she has been supporting you this whole time, and unless she has a kick ass job this might prove to be too hard for her to continue to do. You also said that you only looked halfheartedly, or when you wanted to. You need to really try to get a job, even if it is at a burger king or part time, to help eliviate the weight off her shoulders. Anything is better than nothing. No matter how much love is there between the two of you hardships can help to break it down, and its up to you now to make sure that doesnt happen. It sounds like she supports you totally and has up till this point. Now she needs your help to keep this relationship alive and thriveing. To form a new family, a new life, she will need your help in the form of finacial support as well,as she can not do it all on her own. I am sure that this has to be clear to you? I do know something of online relationships and they can and do often work out. Four couples that I know have met online, met in life, married, and are still together almost 5, 7 and 10, years now....only one couple has not worked out but they remain good friends. As far as her talking to her online friends about this matter I am sure that they are people that she considers good friends, so just like in r/l you have a best friend that you talk to, they are the same. Maybe she has tried to talk to you? Maybe she feels lost, loving you, but not knowing how exactly to say what she needs to? Maybe the both of you have some comunication problems? You have to learn to talk deeply to each other at all times. Communication and trust work together, trust me on this one. I am not an expert by no means at all but, I have a failed mariage of 7 years and it was for basicly the same reasons...he didnt work and I did. I paied all the bills, all the medical, all the transportation, all the fun activities, and so on. It got tireing but I never said a word to him about it. When I got fed up and had enough I told him he had to leave my home, but it took me 7 years to do so. Please dont let that happen to you guys. About the porn, if she is like most women, she really doesnt mind. Do you hide it from her? Do you look at it with her? Do you talk about it with her? All valid questions. Women in relationships like things to be clear and concise. Thye want to know what is going on. Please dont feel like less of a man, as you are just going thru a bad time. Get up, shower, head out to look for a job, and put applications in everywhere, no matter how crappy the job seems to you. I garentee to you that if you do this every other day at least, you will find a job and image the look on her face when you tell her that you have a job finally! Any and all finacial support will be a welcomed addition. She will put that ring back on and the both of you can get back on track. I promise you this will happen. So smile and get cracking on the job search. You really cant blame her for how this is affecting her. My best to both of you.
Tropan 
Also there is no reason to turn to porn if there is love still within you both.
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