Posted by Amy on 5/15/2008, 4:06 am
90.196.194.220
Hiya,
My names Amy, 28 years old from England. I have always been a closet smoker until I met my husband 4 years ago. He never knew I smoked and still doesnt.
I secretly smoked through the first 2 years of our relationship without him knowing at all, then when we married I quit and didnt smoke anything at all. I was pleased with myself although it was very difficult to stop, I was only a moderate smoker smoking around 6 a day.
I have resisted strong temptations for 17 months, until 3 weeks ago when I caved in and started again. The weather is fab over here in England at the moment and I was desparate for a smoke whilst lounging round my garden, I went and bought 20 of my old regulars Berkeley Menthol 100's, and retreated to my garden.
I considered the first one for a good hour but the desire was so strong I had to light it up. The first inhales were the best ever! It felt exactly what my life had been missing and the satisfaction was irreplaceble....
As I sat in the garden that day I rekindled the old smoking joys and progressivley puffed my way through the whole pack. My hubby works as a chef and doesnt come home till late most evenings by which time im asleep usually. Hiding my habit isnt that difficult.
For the last 3 weeks iv been slipping back into my old routine of closet smoking and feeling good about myself. I seem to be smoking more this time around usually about 12-15 a day, but somedays when he's off I cant have one- which is torture. Im not bothered about smoking more than before as im really enjoying it so so much.
I must admit I do feel guilty as well as happy as my hubby would flip if he knew I smoked. I do wish I could smoke more openly and frequently but it really isnt an option, my family and hubby know me as non-smoker and they really wouldnt take to me lighting up every 20 minutes. It looks like I will have to stay in the closet on this one, BUT one thing is for certain and that is that I will not be stopping smoking ever again as I have realised that smoking is what my life has been missing and I really enjoy it so much... the cravings, the smokeyness, handling my cigs with care and always looking forwards to firing that next one up when no one is around.
Any other house wifes experience this situation? Anyone evercome out and fired one up in front of thier hubby? what was the reaction?
Amy
Message Thread:
« Back to thread