Posted by Marilyn Hladysh
on 6/14/2008, 10:40 pm, in reply to "Why are you a closet smoker?"
99.247.231.81
Hi,
I have 2 sisters who live together. They are 51 and 53 and I know they are closet smokers. I have known they smoked for 30 years now and except for once when I was a teenager (and also a smoker ) - have never brought it up to them. I feel that being a closet smoker is really messing up their lives. As far as I know they never even smoke in front of each other. I feel that it is a problem in their life because I think it stops them from feeling comfortable when they are travelling; visiting, even working. One of them has a son who pretty much lived with the both of them growing up. I don't know if he knows/acknowleges that they smoke or not - it's not something we have ever talked about but he recently got married and they are feeling like the relationship with him is a bit stained now and I feel that part of this failure to get along with his new wife is that they are always disappearing to smoke or they are not relaxed because they want to leave to have a smoke. Failing to acknowledge that they smoke makes it hard to have a good relationship with anyone.
Personally - I think that if you just started smoking in front of people they would go - like what are you doing and you say I'm smoking or something - it's not really a big deal to anyone else. Especially when you are older; everyone feels like you know all of the dangers and it's your choice to make. Or they say oh - I never knew you smoked and you go - yeah I didn't used to smoke at work but now I do - I really don't think after the initial surprise that it goes much further than that.
Anyway, I'm debating on confronting my sisters and telling them that Iknow you smoke and I think that hiding it is really having a negative impact on your life and your relationships.
What do you think?
--Previous Message--
: I have been a closeted f#*k for 30 years now.
:
: In a way I love it, it is my little secret
: (difficult as heck sometimes though)...
:
: On the other hand, I would so love to
: smoke freely like any other smokers...sigh.
: I know for a fact that the reason I am in
: the closet is my parents, who are majorly
: intolerant of smoking and would 'die' if
: they knew - both smoked before years before
: quitting when I was little - now they both
: live 500 miles away and I see maybe twice a
: year!!!
:
: Thing is, everyone in my life knows me as a
: non-smoker, especially my wife (!!!).
:
: It is so much a part of my 'self image' -
: being a non-smoker, I could never be
: anything else (publicly to my friends and
: family, that is).
:
: Like many, I smoke freely when away from
: folks I know. I live in a large enough city
: that that is not a big problem at all to
: smoke daily like this, walking around in the
: day, at school, easy to get away with.
:
: What a life huh?
:
: Talk to me.
: Any of you have similar circumstances?
: Does anyone relate to me?
:
: I could never come out, too many people
: would be blown away.
: You don't just 'start smoking' out of the
: blue at 45 years old - ya know?
: Arrrgghh.
:
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