Posted by vin
on 6/16/2008, 12:33 pm, in reply to "Re: Why are you a closet smoker?"
66.28.247.132
Marilyn,
i think you definately should talk to your sisters, it needs to be approached in the right way but at the very least, they will now hopefully be comfortable smoking around you, which will be a step in the right direction for them and perhaps it will help them step in the direction of coming out of the closet completely by showing them that it isnt as awful as they imagine.
dont kid yourself, however, that the average person in their life will be as understanding as you. many people in their lives will react strongly to the new person they both are, since being a smoker is a huge part of defining who you are to yourself and to others.
i think it boils down to a short term vs long term gain situation. in the short term coming out of the closet is far far worse than staying in, but in the long term- being yourself, being comfortable and enjoying your life and not lying to people out weighs the short term pain.
i know without question that this is true, however i have been closeted since day one when i started smoking as a 13 year old twenty years ago- so it is easier said than done. my story i think is slightly more complicated than most since i have come out with my wife and she has pushed me back in so i see no point in coming out to everyone else since it will be a huge wedge between us if i were to be freely smoking.
when i am out with people (at work for instance) and am so much happier though and would love to have that freedom all the time amongst family and friends, i dont see it ever happening for me though.
--Previous Message--
: Hi,
: I have 2 sisters who live together. They
: are 51 and 53 and I know they are closet
: smokers. I have known they smoked for 30
: years now and except for once when I was a
: teenager (and also a smoker ) - have never
: brought it up to them. I feel that being a
: closet smoker is really messing up their
: lives. As far as I know they never even
: smoke in front of each other. I feel that
: it is a problem in their life because I
: think it stops them from feeling comfortable
: when they are travelling; visiting, even
: working. One of them has a son who pretty
: much lived with the both of them growing up.
: I don't know if he knows/acknowleges that
: they smoke or not - it's not something we
: have ever talked about but he recently got
: married and they are feeling like the
: relationship with him is a bit stained now
: and I feel that part of this failure to get
: along with his new wife is that they are
: always disappearing to smoke or they are not
: relaxed because they want to leave to have a
: smoke. Failing to acknowledge that they
: smoke makes it hard to have a good
: relationship with anyone.
:
: Personally - I think that if you just
: started smoking in front of people they
: would go - like what are you doing and you
: say I'm smoking or something - it's not
: really a big deal to anyone else.
: Especially when you are older; everyone
: feels like you know all of the dangers and
: it's your choice to make. Or they say oh -
: I never knew you smoked and you go - yeah I
: didn't used to smoke at work but now I do -
: I really don't think after the initial
: surprise that it goes much further than
: that.
:
: Anyway, I'm debating on confronting my
: sisters and telling them that Iknow you
: smoke and I think that hiding it is really
: having a negative impact on your life and
: your relationships.
:
: What do you think?
:
: --Previous Message--
: I have been a closeted f#*k for 30 years
: now.
:
: In a way I love it, it is my little secret
: (difficult as heck sometimes though)...
:
: On the other hand, I would so love to
: smoke freely like any other smokers...sigh.
: I know for a fact that the reason I am in
: the closet is my parents, who are majorly
: intolerant of smoking and would 'die' if
: they knew - both smoked before years before
: quitting when I was little - now they both
: live 500 miles away and I see maybe twice a
: year!!!
:
: Thing is, everyone in my life knows me as a
: non-smoker, especially my wife (!!!).
:
: It is so much a part of my 'self image' -
: being a non-smoker, I could never be
: anything else (publicly to my friends and
: family, that is).
:
: Like many, I smoke freely when away from
: folks I know. I live in a large enough city
: that that is not a big problem at all to
: smoke daily like this, walking around in the
: day, at school, easy to get away with.
:
: What a life huh?
:
: Talk to me.
: Any of you have similar circumstances?
: Does anyone relate to me?
:
: I could never come out, too many people
: would be blown away.
: You don't just 'start smoking' out of the
: blue at 45 years old - ya know?
: Arrrgghh.
:
:
:
Message Thread:
« Back to thread