Posted by Norm on 12/30/2008, 11:49 am, in reply to "Re: Interesting situation"
71.226.232.40
I'm inclined to second the advice you got from Storm Chaser-- be a man and live with the consequences of your choice.
That said, I fully understand that it would be very difficult. Twenty-eight years of hiding might be a harder habit to break than smoking itself. I also know from experience that with a fetish, it seems like a vastly bigger deal to you than it does to anybody else. Even the professionals you've talked to don't see why it's such an issue, and that will be true of most other people too.
In short, the consequences of coming out are not as great as you think. Sure people will be surprised, some may even comment, but once they recognize that you smoke they won't think about it much. I know a couple of men at work who turned up smoking years after they started there. I never heard a single person say a single word about it. There may in fact have been some comments at first that I never heard, but overall it didn't make a ripple. I assumed that these guys went back to it long after a quit, others may have assumed the same thing. The bottom line is that nobody cared. It's your life and your choice, and most people will let it go at that.
I think you're right about the confidence thing too. But if you were to bite the bullet and do this thing you fear so greatly, I believe that your confidence would take a big jump. The fear of other people's opinions is a very confining box, and I sure don't blame you for wanting to bust out of that.
--Previous Message--
: Now this is why I was writing here in the
: first place... I appreciate both of your
: input. SC46 I agree wholheartedly with what
: you said. However it is SO difficult to
: imagine "changing myself" (at
: least in other people's view) overnight with
: the flip of a switch. Believe me, if I
: could have, I would have done it very long
: ago. As for Johnny, as SC46 said, I do not
: want to stay like this forever and hope that
: someday I'll be able to make the leap. Just
: can't imagine how that's all. It isn't just
: my Mom... it is everyone. Don't understand
: why I care so much about what other people
: think of me, and I don't understand people
: who don't care about what people think of
: them. I hate to "make waves" and
: it is much easier in a day to day way to
: have things be the same. However, as I
: said, as time goes on I realize that time is
: going on. I imagine that this smoking issue
: is probably more a symptom of some
: self-confidence issue. To me the smoking is
: the main issue... but when I think about it,
: others smoke... so there must be something
: else huh? Been a long time, and I still
: can't figure it out.
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