Posted by Andy
on 12/31/2008, 5:05 am, in reply to "Re: Interesting situation"
75.53.143.107
Kris,
I'm 47, closet smoker since my late teens. Average about 2-3/day, can go days without, and no one knows I smoke except my spouse. A lot of the pressures you describe are at work for me. Plus my spouse, while being understanding and supportive, drew the line at smoking in the house. So I also have the issue of having to go outside to smoke, which is a pain.
Family, except for my spouse, are far away. And friends, while most or all are anti, aren't very close. So in some sense it would be easy for me to come out without getting too much grief. A while ago I started a new job where a lot of guys smoke. It would have been easy for me to smoke on day one, but I decided against it. Even now I figure I could say I was an ex-smoker who fell off the wagon. But I've decided I like it this way. If I came out I'd smoke a lot more, in some ways that would be fun, but it's fun already. And hiding it adds a bit to the fun for me. If I smoked all the time I think some of the fun would go away. And of course the expense would go up, and maybe it would be worse for me (though I don't kid myself into thinking my current smoking habit is safe).
So I think the first thing you need to do is decide what you really want, forgetting for a minute about all those other people. If it's to smoke more and openly, then I think you have to find a way to do it. I'm guessing you go to some trouble to hide a 10/day habit from others, like showering/changing clothes after smoking, not smoking if you are going to see friends/family later in the day, not smoking in your car. Stop doing those things. It'll become pretty obvious to people that you smoke. Let them bring it up if they want to make an issue of it. Then say you were once a smoker but had quit, or for family who know that's not the case, blame it on stress of one sort or another or even better blame it on an ex-girlfriend. They may not even bring it up but if they do then you give your excuse, maybe they make a nasty comment, then you're over the hump.
I don't mean to make it sound easy as I know it's not. I'm just trying to suggest that it might be easier to let people make an issue of it if they want than to pull out a pack of cigarettes in front of them and light up. I also think if you find a smoking girlfriend again you should use that as an opportunity to come out if you haven't. Again people might say something but they'll more easily understand your "starting to smoke" in that situation.
Good luck.
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