Posted by Kris on 1/1/2009, 3:10 pm, in reply to "Gay and Smoking"
207.216.1.117
Happy New Year to you as well. With all due respect Scott, I disagree. You were born the same as me. You didn't hold hands with other babies in the ward, just as I wasn't smoking at the time of birth. I had a "different" attraction to smoking that evolved as I was growing up, the same as you had a "different" attraction that evolved. At one point you must have "chosen" a man over a woman. Why? At one point I "chose" to smoke? Why? As for knowing the health consequences... I honestly didn't. Sure there was talk about it being "bad" for you, but everyone in the family did it so it couldn't have REALLY been THAT bad. It was like saying fries were bad for you for me. Everyone ate them, so it REALLY couldn't be that bad. Not like everyone would have some fries and drop dead... just like cigarettes. People smoked when I grew up and most of them are still around today 30 years later and most are still smoking. So to sum up how "I" feel - and I have thought about this alot... yes I do agree that environment must have played a big role - but there MUST be something else. However, I think to say that environment played no role for you is unfair. In my mind we are talking about two parallel issues. Both feel compelled to be "different" than others for some reason, and do not feel like we are ourselves if we are not "different" in our own way. Genes or environment. Point is, is that SOMETHING has effected us so strongly that we perceive that the word "choice" is not applicable. It is just who we are. Please do not be offended by the word "different". I work with a gay guy and he is super. So no disrepect there at all... But you must concede that gay people are in the minority and thus the definition of "different" from the mainstream applies.
Again, I appreciate your feedback as it is all coming together for me about people's different views. Thanks. I am interested in your response.
--Previous Message--
: Kris,
:
: As a gay closet smoker, I would like to
: provide a bit of perspective. I was born
: gay, and it involves no choice (and no
: option to choose) on my part; therefore, I
: expect that to be accepted without judgment.
:
: However, starting smoking is a choice (I
: have heard people talk about a "smoking
: gene"; as a trained biologist, I can
: assure you that it would be more
: environmental influence than genetic, as
: there is no selective reason for the genome
: to favor a tendency to smoke).
:
: Because most of us started smoking AFTER we
: knew the health consequences, I believe many
: of us in the closet just don't want to be
: thought of as stupid.
:
: I hope this provides some insight into why
: your professional colleague reacted as he
: did. Happy New Year!
:
: --Previous Message--
: Thanks Daniel! That is a well thought out
: reply that I very much appreciate. I'll
: tell you what really bothered me about the
: professional when I mentioned my issue... I
: was trying to think of how to explain it,
: and I came up with the gay person parallel.
: I explained that I could understand how
: difficult it must be those gay people to
: come "out of the closet" as the
: reasons in my mind are the same. Not gay
: here by the way! Just was trying to put
: some gravity to my issue for him. Well the
: professional literally laughed and said
: "well this obviously isn't the same
: type of thing we are talking about".
: That really bugged me. Now I am a very
: non-judgemental person... but when I think
: about it, it seems "strange" to me
: that a person being gay is more accepted
: than a person being a smoker. Now please
: noone take that the wrong way! I am not
: saying there is anything wrong with people's
: own choices... it just gets to me that some
: people's choices are more accepted than
: others. People believe that it is not a
: choice for people to be gay and generally
: congratulate them for being who they are,
: yet they believe it is a choice to smoke and
: put down people who have made that choice.
: Now that is a whole other subject. I
: honestly don't feel as though it is a
: "choice" for me. Grandparents,
: parents, parents friends, etc all smoked
: when I was young. I grew up in a house and
: car filled with smoke. It is my belief that
: there must have been something in my head or
: my genes that MADE me a smoker. Why else
: would I have always done this alone, had no
: friends (other than the two girlfriends) who
: smoked, and have continually felt so guilty
: about it. Hmm.
:
:
:
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