Posted by Norm on 1/3/2009, 6:16 am, in reply to "PS "
71.226.232.40
You say that you don't want to smoke more openly, but that you do want to get rid of guilt and be accepted for who you are. I wonder if those are compatible. Externally, can others accept you for who you are if you go on hiding who you are? Internally, can you overcome feelings of guilt and shame for smoking if you continue to act as if you are indeed guilty?
And on a different topic, and without trying to be disrespectful, can I point out that talking about holding a person at arm's length and automatically discounting what he or she believes in sounds, ummm, intolerant? If you hold up respect for others with different beliefs as an absolute standard, then you bind yourself to respect all other beliefs, including the belief that your standard is wrong.
Better I think to recognize that all of us draw the line somewhere, that there are some beliefs/practices that we will not or cannot endorse or respect. Some conflict between people who draw the lines in different places is pretty much inevitable.
--Previous Message--
: Mind you I DO repect those granola-loving, tea
: drinking, in bed by 9pm every night people
: as well. UNTIL they put me down for having
: a pizza, a couple beers, and in bed by 2am!
: To each their own. Just like religion for
: me. Believe what you want and I will
: respect you. In fact, believe what you want
: and I may even evaluate your beliefs and
: figure out if they could pertain to myself.
: Tell me I am less of a person because I do
: not believe the same thing as you do... and
: I will still be pleasant with you, but I
: will definately hold you at arms length and
: automatically discount whatever it is you
: believe in... as to me it can't be anything
: positive.
:
: --Previous Message--
: I would just like to take this opportunity
: to
: thank everyone who made a contribution to my
: thread here. It was nice to know that I am
: not alone, and it was nice to talk about the
: possible origins of my problem. It was also
: great to hear from people on such a
: respectful level. This is, and always has
: been, quite a struggle for me and I
: appreciate the fact that my respect for
: everyone has been rewarded. I just wish
: that everyone in this world is as
: understanding. You know one good thing
: about being a "closet smoker" is
: that I am very understanding about people
: and their shortcomings, and how some people
: are different. And I make sure that those
: who are different feel as comfortable as
: possible with themselves. You know smoker
: or not, in cosmic terms we are only here for
: a blip of time anyways... so isn't life
: really about being who you are... being
: respectful to others... and to enjoy our
: time while we are here.
: Some reference was made for me to figure out
: what it is that I really want. I do not
: want to smoke more... or for that matter
: even more openly. What I do want is to get
: rid of that annoying sense of guilt I have,
: and to be accepted for who I am. The
: granola loving, tea drinking, in bed by 9pm
: every night, people should see life the way
: it is. Damn too short to worry about things
: that don't really matter.
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