Posted by Tim B on 1/6/2009, 9:13 pm, in reply to "Interesting situation"
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Kris and all who commented,
This is a very interesting thread and one I can relate to. I'll tell you about my experience and how it ended up. Kris, like you, I started smoking young, like 12 or 13. I started on my own because it was exciting and something I wanted to do. I didn't experiment, rather I wanted to learn to smoke...and I did just that. By the time I was in high school I was smoking daily and became a bigger and bigger problem to hide. I hid my smoking from friends and family and did it on my own when alone. It was my secret.
In high school I smoked with some close friends several times when they were "experimenting" and I pretended to experiment too, even though I was a full-fledged smoker at that point.
When I got to college I lived in the dorm. I requested a smoking roommate and got one my freshman year. I smoked with him and it became very normal after a while. Eventually, I started smoking around others because I slowly discovered it wasn't such a big deal to anyone but myself.
I graduated college and started working my first real job. The first day I went out for a cigarette break to cement the fact I'm a smoker. This didn't last and before long I was not smoking at work (but would always have to go out for lunch and chain smoke). Hated it.
Moved to another city and smoked openly from the beginning, but not at my job. It took me until my second job here that I started smoking at work. It was hard, but I did it and nobody said much about it. By the time I got to my third job here I was pretty comfortable smoking at work. It was never an issue at the third job and I liked that fact. Right from the beginning I was part of the smoking crowd.
As for family, when I was growing up both parents smoked and most extended family smoked. It was easy for me to "borrow" cigarettes to get started, but I was buying my own soon enough with my lunch money. Neither my brother or sister smoke, just me. Mother has quit but father still smokes today. I was questioned several times as a teen about my smoking but always denied it. One time when I was 19 or so, my mother even asked if I wanted a cigarette. Stupid me said "no." It wasn't until my early thirties and I had built a whole new life in my new city as a smoker that I got the courage to really come clean with family.
I was a regular smoker and hiding my smoking was hard on me for obvious reasons when visiting home. On top of that, and even more so, I didn't like that I was hiding it and it made me feel like a coward. In my early 30s I came clean and started smoking around family. The result:
Mother: Won't say anything unless I smoke a lot, then asks when I'm going to quit.
Father: Never says anything since he's a smoker too. Now, he'll even ask if I want to go out for a smoke with him.
Brother: "Jeez, I can't believe you smoke. Can you help me mow the lawn?"
Sister: Never says anything about it.
Extended family: Varied responses, but nothing very negative and I smoke with cousins, aunts and uncles. Not a big deal.
My advice: don't let it get to you and I think it is because I can relate. It'll be hard, but come clean and stand your ground. You're an adult and it's your choice to smoke. Once you do this, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner because it'll make such a huge difference in so many aspects of your life both professionally and personally...trust me. People will respect you more for admitting to smoking than if they find out your hiding it.
By the way, I'm now 40 and smoking a pack a day openly. The fascination of smoking has worn off some over the years after coming clean and that's a good thing. I'm hoping one day enough of the fascination will wear off and I'll actually be able to think about quitting...not there yet. But I also realize that without expereiencing all of these things that a "true" smoker does, I'd never reach the point of wanting to quit.
Hope this makes sense and helps some.
Tim B
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