Posted by JayD on 5/3/2009, 11:30 am
70.238.145.161
My wife and I are celebrating our 10th anniversary this year, and I've recently been thinking of many things I need to work on in our marriage. This inevitably led me to think, once again, about my on- and off-again closet smoking and the trust issues around it. I decided it's time to stop deceiving her about this, but I'm definitely not ready to tell her. I finished my pack earlier this week and decided I wasn't going to buy another one. I pledged to myself that I have to tell her if I smoke again, and I set a deadline that within a year, I still have to tell her even if I haven't lapsed. Much as I've enjoyed it, it's no use in keeping the charade going, and my marriage is certainly more important than the occasional pleasure of smoking.
Strange as this may sound, I don't feel like I'm quitting, I'm just not smoking. I know this is foolish, but since I've only been a chipper (at most), and I've never had withdrawal when I've decided not to smoke, I've never really thought of myself as a smoker. Delusional, I know, and I think that's also made it easier to light up again at some point in the future, because I feel like I can stop easily. Even if I don't really hae cravings or withdrawal symptoms, somehow I manage to come back to it, though. This should be interesting!
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