Posted by crolma on 5/14/2009, 5:28 am, in reply to "Can somebody explain"
76.241.151.205
I guess there are two main reasons: fear about how other people will take it, and personal embarrassment.
There are probably close friends and relatives who would give him grief (or worse), leading to ugly confrontations. They might think less of him. Even if they accept smoking as a personal choice, they may worry about him getting sick or addicted, and badger him relentlessly. Some people even give you an ultimatum! Even the possibility of this put me in the closet for a long time.
It could also be that he associates smokers with various pathetic stereotypes, and he doesn't want to be thought of in that way. I used to feel that way.
I guess it depends on which you hate more -- maintaining secrecy or fearing what others might think, say, or do. I'm open about it now, but not blatant, because I developed an attitude. I began to resent anyone trying to come between me and my cigarettes, to the point where I'll scratch their eyes out (if necessary) unless they back off. To make that kind of transition, you have to see smoking as part of yourself, and you have to be willing to defend yourself in general.
Even then, the punishments (such as losing a friend) might be unbearable. Unwilling or unable to quit smoking, what can you do but hide it?
--Previous Message--
: Hi, before I ask my question please dont think
: that I am criticising or judging people who
: keep their smoking a secret, i am not. My bf
: stopped smoking about 4 months ago ( he had
: good reasons and had only been a light
: smoker ) but a couple of weeks ago he was
: upset and stressed and asked me for a cig.
: The outcome is that he has started again but
: has asked me not to tell anyone. He cant, or
: wont, give me a good reason why he is
: keeping it a secret and I was hoping that
: someone could give me some reasons why they
: keep their smoking secret so that I can
: understand his "problem" or help
: him to come out. Thanks Lynne
:
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