Posted by Lynne on 5/14/2009, 12:41 pm, in reply to "Re: Can somebody explain"
78.144.99.72
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I thonk that Dave and crolma may have the reasons why he wants his smoking to stay secret. The reason why he said tha he stopped was that when he went to university in October he started to row again and although he was not a heavy smoker (5 or 6 a day maximum) and it was not fair onthe others in the boat if smoking affected his performance. Thanks again. Lynne 
--Previous Message--
: I guess there are two main reasons: fear about
: how other people will take it, and personal
: embarrassment.
:
: There are probably close friends and
: relatives who would give him grief (or
: worse), leading to ugly confrontations. They
: might think less of him. Even if they accept
: smoking as a personal choice, they may worry
: about him getting sick or addicted, and
: badger him relentlessly. Some people even
: give you an ultimatum! Even the possibility
: of this put me in the closet for a long
: time.
:
: It could also be that he associates smokers
: with various pathetic stereotypes, and he
: doesn't want to be thought of in that way. I
: used to feel that way.
:
: I guess it depends on which you hate more --
: maintaining secrecy or fearing what others
: might think, say, or do. I'm open about it
: now, but not blatant, because I developed an
: attitude. I began to resent anyone trying to
: come between me and my cigarettes, to the
: point where I'll scratch their eyes out (if
: necessary) unless they back off. To make
: that kind of transition, you have to see
: smoking as part of yourself, and you have to
: be willing to defend yourself in general.
:
: Even then, the punishments (such as losing a
: friend) might be unbearable. Unwilling or
: unable to quit smoking, what can you do but
: hide it?
:
: --Previous Message--
: Hi, before I ask my question please dont
: think
: that I am criticising or judging people who
: keep their smoking a secret, i am not. My bf
: stopped smoking about 4 months ago ( he had
: good reasons and had only been a light
: smoker ) but a couple of weeks ago he was
: upset and stressed and asked me for a cig.
: The outcome is that he has started again but
: has asked me not to tell anyone. He cant, or
: wont, give me a good reason why he is
: keeping it a secret and I was hoping that
: someone could give me some reasons why they
: keep their smoking secret so that I can
: understand his "problem" or help
: him to come out. Thanks Lynne
:
:
:
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