Posted by freelancefagger
on 5/20/2009, 9:03 pm
76.66.106.41
A couple of nights ago, when I was giving my 11-yo son a good-night kiss in his bed, he asked me if he could talk to me about something. I said of course. For a couple of minutes he said nothing. I could see he was struggling with something very upsetting to him. Finally he asked, "do you smoke?"
My first impulse was to deny it -- to protect both him and myself. But there was something about the way he asked -- so courageous in the face of his evident anxiety -- that compelled me to tell him the truth. (I've been smoking on and off for the past 37 years, averaging perhaps 3 cigs per day.) The next words out of his mouth were, "I hate you." He had never spoken those words before, even as a toddler.
Then we talked about it, and I think I handled it pretty well. I was floored when he told me that he'd suspected/known for a year. And here I thought I was being so careful! By the end of the conversation he told me he didn't hate me anymore, and we hugged each other good-night. He's such a delightful, bright, funny, sensitive kid, he's made me seriously think about quitting. But not today...
F.
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