Posted by Lynne on 5/21/2009, 2:10 pm, in reply to "Re: Can somebody explain"
89.243.227.56
To be truthful, I dont really know. His mum is called Melissa but the only Melissa I can find on message boards that I look at does not fit her. Lynne 
--Previous Message--
: Is your bf the son of Melissa who posts on
: some of the other boards? If so, I have
: enjoyed following your story.
:
: --Previous Message--
: Thanks for taking the time to reply. I thonk
: that Dave and crolma may have the reasons
: why he wants his smoking to stay secret. The
: reason why he said tha he stopped was that
: when he went to university in October he
: started to row again and although he was not
: a heavy smoker (5 or 6 a day maximum) and it
: was not fair onthe others in the boat if
: smoking affected his performance. Thanks
: again. Lynne
:
: --Previous Message--
: I guess there are two main reasons: fear
: about
: how other people will take it, and personal
: embarrassment.
:
: There are probably close friends and
: relatives who would give him grief (or
: worse), leading to ugly confrontations. They
: might think less of him. Even if they accept
: smoking as a personal choice, they may worry
: about him getting sick or addicted, and
: badger him relentlessly. Some people even
: give you an ultimatum! Even the possibility
: of this put me in the closet for a long
: time.
:
: It could also be that he associates smokers
: with various pathetic stereotypes, and he
: doesn't want to be thought of in that way. I
: used to feel that way.
:
: I guess it depends on which you hate more --
: maintaining secrecy or fearing what others
: might think, say, or do. I'm open about it
: now, but not blatant, because I developed an
: attitude. I began to resent anyone trying to
: come between me and my cigarettes, to the
: point where I'll scratch their eyes out (if
: necessary) unless they back off. To make
: that kind of transition, you have to see
: smoking as part of yourself, and you have to
: be willing to defend yourself in general.
:
: Even then, the punishments (such as losing a
: friend) might be unbearable. Unwilling or
: unable to quit smoking, what can you do but
: hide it?
:
: --Previous Message--
: Hi, before I ask my question please dont
: think
: that I am criticising or judging people who
: keep their smoking a secret, i am not. My bf
: stopped smoking about 4 months ago ( he had
: good reasons and had only been a light
: smoker ) but a couple of weeks ago he was
: upset and stressed and asked me for a cig.
: The outcome is that he has started again but
: has asked me not to tell anyone. He cant, or
: wont, give me a good reason why he is
: keeping it a secret and I was hoping that
: someone could give me some reasons why they
: keep their smoking secret so that I can
: understand his "problem" or help
: him to come out. Thanks Lynne
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