Posted by Dave on 6/11/2009, 11:30 pm, in reply to "Re: brand switch up"
68.11.149.9
It's definitely true that looking back, I almost feel as if becoming a smoker was not a choice I made. For me, it wasn't a question of right or wrong, or smart or dumb decision making; I felt so compelled to try it that whether I would or should do so was no longer a question after a while. And honestly, I still don't know why to this day. I was definitely very curious about it--the majority of people in my large extended family smoked, and I clearly remember wondering what it was like to "need" a cigarette. Still, I don't think curiosity alone would have ignited such a compulsion to try it. Maybe I'm wrong about my motives--I guess it's possible that I was subconsciously trying to be more grown-up or cool. Or maybe it was a way to feel closer to my dad, who was a sort of distant authority figure who smoked when I was young.
Whatever the reason I initially tried it, it's very safe to say that from my very first cigarette, there was no way I was going to avoid seeking out that kind of pleasure again--I honestly enjoyed it that much. Because of this, I always inwardly smirk when I hear the suggestion that the first time someone tries smoking it will be horrible and unpleasant. As I stated a while back, I don't really remember what it was like not to be hooked. The reason is probably that while I remember plenty of "stuff" that happened before I smoked my first cigarette, the feeling that the nicotine gave me that first time feels like the first vivid memory of pure pleasure that I have stored away.
This may sound pitiful to some folks, but to this day I count smoking as the single most consistent source of pleasure and relaxation I've ever found. Despite the part of my brain that tells me that I should quit, and even wishes I had never started, there is always that undeniable pleasure to contend with. There are many, many, many times--when I've gotten home after a long day, or finally managed to find the smoking lounge in an airport between stopovers, or stepped outside after a couple of drinks at a bar, or stepped out onto my landing after waking up in the morning--when I light up and find myself thinking "DAMN this is good; DAMN I'm glad I'm a smoker; DAMN I'm glad I've got more in the pack". I'm betting you know what I'm talking about--the satisfaction that washes through you when you're dragging down to your toes and the nicotine finally hits. I think that's probably what hooks most of us; there's nothing else I've found that's the same. Or even close.
All of which is to say that I think you're right--"intoxicating fascination" is probably an apt phrase. It would be hard for me NOT to be fascinated by something that I enjoy so much that it's difficult or impossible to imagine having to go without it.
Dave
--Previous Message--
: I can say this much about brand changes.
:
: When I casually smoked in bars I used to
: smoke lights. When I picked up smaoking
: smaller cigars, the nicotine finally snagged
: me for good and when I bought cigs, I went
: for Camel wides (if available) or Reds. I
: have no interest whatsoever in lights and
: will not buy them.
:
: I do smoke regularly, at least within my
: limits of staying in the closet. I doubt a
: brand change at this time would change
: quantity, but who knows.
:
: by the way Dave, we seem to share much of
: the same intoxicating fascination with
: smoke.
:
:
: --Previous Message--
: that is true. marlboro reds produced in some
: countries don't taste as good as in other
: countries.
:
: i used to buy reds 100 (when they were
: produced in my country) but nowadays they
: are imported (at least most of the packs i
: bought said they were produced outside of
: the country) and they don't taste so good
: anymore, so i just smoke the reds.
:
: but sometimes i start asking myself why in
: some countries (southern european for
: exemple) marlboro reds are so poppular and
: in other countries they aren't and everyone
: seems to smoke the lights. the taste may
: afterall have part of the responsability for
: that.
:
:
:
:
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