Posted by myself on 7/11/2009, 6:00 pm
89.152.185.162
Hey!
I'm just creating this topic to give you an update on my closet smoking situation and also to receive some new advices.
For the case you don't remmember my situation here is the link to my first post: http://members2.boardhost.com/tdlane/msg/1242173329.html
Now the update:
I usually hide my cigarettes and ashtray behind a pile of some university books. My parents don't usually touch those books so I feel like my cigarettes and smoking objects are safe there.
But today, during lunch my mother told me that probably I had already too many old books accomulated there that could be moved to somewhere else and give my room some more space and make it look more clean and also she told me that she wanted to help me with that.
I had to agree with her, so as soon as I finnished eating I went to my bedroom, removed my cigarettes and ashtray from behind the books pile that my mother was about to be around and hided them in some other temporary place.
When my mother arrived to make her cleans I started giving her the books that I didn't want anymore and some old papers that were in the middle of the books.
One of the first things that she told me was that the books smelled like cigarettes. I became immediatly nervous but I said: "Oh, that story again, I don't think they have any special smell..." and she replyed: "Well, they do smell like cigarettes..." and me: "Sorry, I can't notice it!" and she finally told me: "Well, that's probably because you already have it inveterated in my body". With this said we both made silence and after about 30 seconds later we started talking abouth something else, althought I was still nervous.
Now the thing is. Why didn't she asked me directly if I was smoking? Was it because she was expecting to find the cigarettes and the ashtray that were supposed to be close to the books and that were giving them the smell, but as I moved and she didn't find them she had no evidences to force me to admit? Or is she just waiting for the day I'll tell her without her needing to say anything to me? Well if that is the case she can wait, because it will never happen. Even knowing that she probably already knows that I smoke I preffer to keep the things as they are now. I would preffer that she came to me and forced me to admit it, than me telling it to her by my own will. That would take a lot of preparation to me, a lot of nervous, it would drive me crazy. I preffer to just be surprised like I was today. Unfortunatly my mother didn't explore the subject as much as she should. As you are probably noticing, by now I wouldn't mind that my parents knew that I was smoking, I just wanted them to tell me: "We already know that you smoke, you just have to admit it to us now", then I gladly would! But this is the only way I could do it, if it isn't by this way, then there will be no other way for me to do it.
Another thing: Do you think that she has been telling those things to my father? He never mentioned it (even indirectly, like my mother uses to do), but he is a big anti-smoker. I think that if he suspected we wouldn't be so passive as my mother has been. This makes me think that my mother hasn't been sharing her suspicions with me father, but I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
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