Posted by Mike
on 10/16/2009, 6:17 pm, in reply to "Tricky situation, how to escape?"
98.64.32.189
I hear you. I came out of the closet smoking about one year ago. I had the same fears as you. I could not take it any more. I was a closet smoker for about 30 years. I was tired of not having the courage to be who I really was. I weighed the pros and cons of the situation. I was tired of not being true to myself. I am normally a confident person, not afraid to speak my mind or draw attention to myself in public. Smoking was the only inhibition that I wasn't able to overcome. Instead, I smoked secretly and eventually quit. So when I recently began smoking again, I decided to be true to myself and have the courage to come out and face any repercussions. I rehearsed in my mind what my mother and sister would say and how to handle their reaction to my smoking. I was quite scared. Pretty stupid for a man in his 40's. I don't like being afraid. I rationalized that I have been in much more difficult situations in the past and I was able to conquer my anxiety in those situations. So I went over and out of the blue, admitted I was smoking and then lit a cigarette. Once I got those first words out and lit the first cigarette, the rest came naturally. It is an enormous relief. The issue wasn't really about smoking but about being true to myself and not being afraid. It dosen't matter what other people think. Being a smoker is not a major issue. Your friends and family may be suprised but what can they do? Smoking is legal. Get over any apprehension. Put yourself in a situation to deliberately get your smoking out in the open. For me it was the statement "I want to tell you something. I am smoking." That was all it took. Once those words were out, It was pretty easy to light up and continue the conversation. Getting it over with was the best thing I could have done for my self esteem.
--Previous Message--
: So here is my conundrum folks: I have a HUGE
: smoking fetish. One that is actually an all
: out obsession really.
:
: I think about smoking practically all the
: time (I am sure many of you can relate, am I
: right?) - I mean, I watch videos on the net
: of women smoking, view pictures incessantly,
: and the more I indulge this fetish, the
: stronger it is... you know?
:
: ...AND, I am at a point in my life where I
: would love to quit smoking - I think about
: that all the time to! ARGH!
:
: The more I succumb to me obsession of
: deriving sexual pleasure in this respect,
: the more it makes me want to smoke. The more
: I smoke, the stronger the hold smoking has
: on me. This is both psychological and
: physical and I am f#*king losing it!!!
: I mean, for me cigarettes aren't just
: cigarettes, they are a source of intense
: pleasure.
: I love to smoke in almost every sense of the
: word "love" --- I love it.
:
: So the problem is this endless loop I am
: caught in.
:
: Due to the fact that I am a hardcore closet
: smoker NO ONE knows I smoke. Not even my
: wife of five years.[Please don't say:
: "Oh come on, you are fooling yourself,
: she has to know." She does not. Trust
: me on that one.
:
: I have to quit, as for the amount of years
: I have been smoking (I am in my middle 40's)
: the chances are I will develop health
: consequences - to say the least - if I
: continue on this path. And if you stop and
: think of the ramifications, especially
: socially, (especially long-time friends who
: have NEVER known me as a smoker, --- in my
: 40's! --- you might realize how one's life
: as they know it could implode from this.
:
: What do I do?
:
: I don't expect any of you to have the
: "answer", but at the same time, I
: can't just talk to a friend, you know?
:
: If anyone here could even shed some insight,
: or help me with some kind of advice, I would
: be very grateful!
:
: Thanks,
: Mick d
:
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