Posted by mick d
on 10/31/2009, 6:25 am, in reply to "Re: Tricky situation but is it that simple?"
68.162.178.169
--Previous Message--
: You have a good grip on this whole set of
: issues surrounding closet
: smoking....quitting for health
: reasons....fighting the pleasure you've
: always gotten both with your own cigarette
: consumption and the joy of watching women
: enjoy theirs. These themes are all deeply
: ingrained in your persona, so changes will
: be a lot more than difficult. In fact, the
: changes you propose may not be even
: possible, or even advisable.
:
: But I didn't want to waste your time
: evaluating those items, but suggest
: something a little more hopeful, and maybe
: even advantageous.
:
: Are you at a point in your life when some
: other serious changes are being considered?
: Are you looking back over your life and
: feeling a need to change who you are?
:
: Maybe your professional life? Marital
: status? Dissatisfaction with your earning
: power? Loss of physical capacities of all
: kinds?
:
: So, what's my point?
:
: I'm just asking you if this current round
: pondering your smoking-related issues is
: actually a form of your total
: self-examination of your own life?
:
: Is the smoking concept really a
: manifestation of other more pressing issues?
: One that will challenge who you have been
: and what you really want to become?
:
Frieda,
Sorry for not getting back to the thread until now. I don't know if I could even process it till now...
Freida, listen, you are a genius.
If I am not mistaken, you are also a woman?
If so, I think some of that women's intuition is coming through, too 
.
Yeah, I am in the midst of a major life altering "crisis" of sorts. Not crisis as in a bad thing, but crisis as in MY REALITY is being challenged, dissected, and built from the ground - ongoing - and at the same time spilled all over the place and left to ooze onto the floor.
At the later side of middle life, I am undertaking a full college education and now I am in grad school.
It is kicking my ass. I also LOVE IT.
I am making connections in my educational endeavor and in my advanced education especially that YES --- are having me challenge almost everything I "thought" I knew.
An amazing transformation is taking place for me ---> and with respect to my smoking, I am not sure if it is a piece of the puzzle I wish to continue to play... except for the previously mentioned factors of course... (see original post)
I am not oly in a double-bind, I would even call it a triple-bind. I know this isn't TRUE, per se' --- but from my perspective this is what is up with THAT!
Yeah, I am having thoughts in the direction of wanting NOT to be a smoker, not to be an obsessed FETISHER.
I feel like in the big picture, these detract from my power, they continue to get in the way of this thrust to finally make something important and significant of my life.
I am not just a regular guy - at least not anymore - I am in the midst of total reconstruction... my ME is bursting at its seams, you know?
So thanks Freida for helping me see that.
I still don't really know how to break the grip smoking and my assoc. LOVE of it's many so-called pleasures has upon me, but I am working on it - I think.
At this time I am so stressed and overwhelmed in school right now, I don't think I could even begin to quit without going nuts !!!
ARGH.
: Focusing on the smoking crises may be a
: disguise to protect you from having to
: consider some other more fundamental changes
: you'd like.
:
: If so, go directly to the heart of that, and
: let the smoking paradigm sort itself out,
: afterwards.
:
m
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