Posted by AT on 7/13/2010, 4:40 am, in reply to "I am a closet smoker."
99.7.68.251
My story exactly, Skyye Jane!
My grandmother asked me to light a Salem on the stove when she was needlepointing when I was perhaps 9 years old! saying "be careful you don't inhale it, either, honey!'. She was absolutely the who started me with my first cigarette (I have zero interest in smoking up to that point), and inadvertently taught me to do just that--- "inhale".
I then watched her like an eagle for a few days to 'see' what that inhale-warning was all about, and asked her soon thereafter if I could "light one for you, grandmother?". I took two out of her pack, lit her's, and then returned to the kitchen and begin the process of teaching myself to do the forbidden inhaling.
I liked it from that day forward and with in a couple of years (at least before I got to 7th grade, I remember well)was smoking every single day whenever I could, worried about lung cancr, fearing I might get "addicted!" but not stopping. I think i just loved it way too much from almost Day 1. And I think I was inhlaing like an experienced adult within a year, too.
My smoking mother never knew or suspected, nor did my friends, as I was, and still am, in the closet. But on a few occassions, when kissing (that would have been in my senior year in high school), I was told "your breath smells like you're a smoker!".
I have spent the last 20 years juggling a 2 to 5 cigarette per day, every day habit in private, and cannot even imagine not being able to smoke, at all. Like you, if you can only smoke a few per day, a full flavored is big a must for me, and it has to be a menthol (thanks, grandmother!).
So this is the way for me, too. No one feels guilty on this board, but we don't always 'write' something, we just mentally bond around the fact we will always be smokers, just its nobody's business.
AT
--Previous Message--
: Hello everyone. It is so nice to have a place
: like this to talk about closet smoking. I
: have smoked on and off since I was about
: 13yrs old. I am 38 now. I loved the smell
: of B&H that my aunt smoked. I would sneak a
: cigarette now and then and enjoy the long
: drags and the good feeling I got from it.
: When I was even younger than that my Gramma
: would tell me to go and light a cigarette
: for her at the stove. She smoked Belair's.
: I remember enjoying those long drags as
: well. I was able to inhale at a very early
: age.
: My cousin who is three years younger than me
: had a thing for smoking too so we would
: sneak off for a smoke. It felt great!!!
: Smoking wasnt a daily or weekly thing for me
: but anytime I could get my hands on a
: cigarette I would sneak off to smoke it. I
: went months without smoking and still do.
: Though I find that the older I am getting I
: crave cigarettes more and more often. Now,
: of course, I buy my own packs of smokes. I
: prefer to smoke Marlboro No. 27 Blend. I
: use to smoke Marlboro lights but I didn't
: feel satisfied with those. Then one day at
: a social someone was smoking a No. 27 and I
: loved the smell. He left his cigs there and
: I took one and found that it gave me the
: satisfaction I was looking for.
: My mother would be disgusted and it would be
: very disrespectful if she knew I smoked. In
: the past, I did smoke around a few select
: friends that were also smokers mostly if we
: were drinking alcohol. I am more
: comfortable smoking around strangers than I
: am friends so I will smoke around strangers
: sometimes or alone.
: I have been wanting a cigarette so bad for
: the past couple of days. The last time I
: smoked cigarettes was 5 days ago when I was
: alone. Gosh it felt great to smoke them
: freely. Me and my mother live together for
: her health reasons so it is very hard
: concealing the smell of smoke.
: I want a cigarette so bad right now as we
: speak but the smell would be so obvious if i
: did it and came back home. Just venting and
: thanks for hearing me out.
:
: Skyye Jane
:
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