Re: Favorite Cig of the Day
Posted by Tim on 2/25/2011, 8:10 am, in reply to "Re: Favorite Cig of the Day"
I've been reading this board for quite a while now and this thread prompted me to finally post on here. |
My story is that I was a huge jock for most of my life, but always had an attraction to smoking. I finally gave it a try, and much to my amazement, i actually enjoyed it. From that point on, I knew I'd be a smoker. In some ways, i regret not starting earlier in life. Probably would have made it easier to come out. I'm still in the closet, but have begun to take steps to just smoke when I want.
that said, my favorites are the first one of the day, the last one of the day and those i have after I spend some time at the gym or in some athletic activity. I enjoy them all, and probably explains why the numbers are creeping up now.
I've left an email if anybody would care to correspond. I could use a few smoking buddies.
: Dave, your story sounds very familiar to mine.
: I was a closet smoker for a long time and it
: was eating me up for the same
: reasons...feeling pathetic about lack of
: self esteem. I also managed to climb out of
: the closet and I've been a pack a day smoker
: for years. Like you, I also loved smoking
: and was hooked so it was years of torture
: enduring the nicotine cravings. Granted, it
: made those smokes even better when I could
: sneak away, but it's much better to be able
: to light up when I want or need to with no
: worries. In the end, it wasn't a big deal to
: most and people don't think less of me (I
: don't think). Just nice to get that monkey
: off your back, eh? I still find sometimes
: today that people that have seen me smoke
: will still sometimes comment "you
: smoke?" when they see me smoking.
: Funny, I think some people just don't pay
: attention because I don't hide it and these
: people have seen me smoke before. I just
: laugh and say "of course I do, where
: have you been?"
: Tim B
: --Previous Message--
: Formerly closeted smoker as well ( really
: closeted--not only did I hide my habit from
: family and co-workers, but from neighbors
: and random strangers too). It took me a
: loooooong time to climb out of that deep
: mental hole, bit by bit, building confidence
: along the way. Back then, my favorite of the
: day was the one or two I sometimes found a
: way smoke despite feeling the need to hide
: from everyone.
: As I came out over the course of several
: years, the amount I smoked increased and so
: did the regularity with which I lit up.
: Early in the process, I was working a shift
: until 9 PM on two nights of the week. After
: work on those nights, I'd drive to a truck
: stop in a neighboring town for coffee and
: 2-3 after-work smokes. At first it was very
: contrived--I consciously chose the truck
: stop as the first place I'd smoke in public.
: Those truck stop smokes rapidly became my
: most anticipated ones all week. It did not
: take long for me to start really relying on
: those cigarettes, and folks have pointed
: that sort of thing out as an advantage of
: staying closeted: If smoking isn't a
: reliable option, you'll likely smoke a lot
: less and avoid at least most of the
: withdrawal symptoms experienced by regular
: smokers forced to go without. Those are good
: arguments, and I know that that reasoning
: works well for a lot of people who've
: visited this board.
: Being closeted was definitely not working
: for me though. For one thing, very soon
: after I first tried smoking, I knew that I
: loved it, and that was not going away. I
: still love to smoke, and I don't mean that
: in a breezy or apologetic way. Simply put:
: For me, smoking is one of the few true,
: real, reliable pleasures in life. I wanted
: to be able to smoke more often. Secondly,
: staying closeted was damaging my self
: esteem. It made it seem as though I was
: always carrying around an evil secret, and
: it fostered the sub-conscious belief that if
: people really knew me, they wouldn't like
: me. It also felt emasculating and degrading
: to me. My constant mental narrative came to
: be something like "What kind of
: pathetic supposed man lies to his family and
: friends so he can sneak off like a child or
: a criminal, only to smoke a cigarette?
: Things are different now, needless to say.
: I've smoked a pack a day for several years
: now, and if anyone who knows me is unaware
: that I'm a smoker they are either in denial
: or not paying any attention. Coming out did
: not fix all the usual problems of life, but
: being able to light up and enjoy a smoke
: almost whenever I want or need one is
: definitely no small thing.
: Which leads me to the original question:
: Which of the 20 or so cigarettes that I
: smoke each day is my favorite now, as an
: uncloseted regular smoker? For me, that'd be
: a tie between the first and last cigarette I
: smoke each day (honorable mention: any
: post-meal cigarette). My first of the day is
: almost always smoked just after I open my
: eyes, before I leave the warmth of my bed.
: My last is generally smoked either on my
: second-floor landing or in my den/office/man
: cave, with the lights dimmed for the night
: and usually something like Miles Davis or
: Liquid Mind playing. I love every cigarette
: I smoke, but those two specifically remind
: me every day why I'd start smoking again in
: a heartbeat if I was granted a second
: --Previous Message--
: What's your favorite cig of the day, and
: does it differ for closet smokers compared
: to those who are out of the closet