Posted by Mick :D
on 8/3/2011, 9:32 am, in reply to "Re: How should I handle this?"
68.162.178.75
Really interesting conversation. One that hits home intensely for me. I have been a closet smoker for all of my life since a teenager - never came out… except to a few women friends. (I have “the fetish” hardcore, so one of my biggest thrills has been smoking with a female friend when it is safe) --- but only here and there. I have always worried about the whole “cross-over” among friends and various circles.
I mean, if for instance I had smoked with a certain female friend, I would only do that now and then, not every time, so that she doesn’t relate to me as a smoker, hiding it from possible cross contamination of social relations.
--- Always the concern that she would say, “Oh, Mick, you want one too (as smokers will offer once they have smoked with you)?” and offer me one… highly uncomfortable. FEAR FOR ME IS: Imaging someone who couldn’t imaging me smoking (likely a nonsmoker) Yeah, that is one of the biggest fears I have, is accidentally being busted like that.
Due to this high level of sensitization, I have smoked with only a few women who "know me" in real life. Many strangers, but not people who are connected with me LIFE, you know?
--Previous Message--
: One thing that makes me a little shy about
: smoking around others- even when the other
: smokers are strangers- is that I know I
: look like an amateur, almost like a 13-year
: old sneaking a parent's cigarettes. Other
: times, I just don't care, but I'm usually
: feeling a little self-conscious about that.
:
: The funny thing is, I've never thought about
: this. When I'm smoking, it's like I'm in my
: own little world, if you know what I mean.
: And when I think of what other people might
: think if they see me smoke, I think of it
: more in terms of people simply seeing me
: smoking rather than how I might look while
: smoking compared to other people smoking.
: But I guess looking like an 'amateur' while
: smoking is DEFINITELY a factor to consider.
: After all, I've never smoked in front of
: another human being - ever. So I've never
: had anyone who could 'correct' anything I
: might be doing 'wrong'.
:
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